I had read Love Languages several yrs ago during my first M, thanks for reminding me about that one. It is a really good book. I am definitely words of affirmation and quality time and I think my H is acts of service.
We had been having some communication issues before M. Also, I think when I first met him, I was still feeling some pain from the D and I wasn't as emotionally talkative. I think he did listen more when we first met, but now that we're past the "romance" stage he tunes out. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where he doesn't hear or communicate important things either such as that he invited a friend over or that he's working late. He has trouble remembering things I tell him like when my doctor appointment is or what project I'm working on at work. Basically, it's like he's not paying attention.
I started re-reading some of the main concepts from DB last night. Yes- I am doing cheeseless tunnels by trying to talk about my feelings (whether it is work or our R or other topics) At best, H is visibly uncomfortable and at worst he gets very angry. And I have to stop acting disappointed, I know that's not helping.
In a recent fight, H told me he didn't feel appreciated for the things he does and at first I said I didn't feel loved or appreciated either. Later I tried a 180 and apologized. I told him thank you for getting the car tires(act of service). He seemed slightly responsive and said "thank you" and "I'm sorry for our fight". While it wasn't exactly the ideal conversation, at least I think I see the beginnings of the new road I must take. I'm not sure where this leaves my need to talk (friends? boards? journal?) I think about a lot and care about a lot. My H is somewhat opposite.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
