I don't think you are being manipulative, or using your kids as pawns. You've said over and over that your only wish is for them to get along. Unfortunately, W's perception of things right now is much different, and you're not likely to change that any time soon.

W feels guilty for breaking up the kids home and is trying to lay it on you. Don't accept it. Continue to be the Dad your kids need right now.

I hope others with kids chime in with some helpful information for you.

I'm so sorry to hear of the mess you are in, but admire the strength you are showing. Keep it up my friend, you can do this. You have to.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl