That's not really surprising, men and women communicate in completely different ways and we get really frustrated because the other doesn't seem to understand OUR way of communicating! I would suggest you read The 5 Love Languages, it'll help a lot. Also check into Retrouvaille, if you can get your H to go I promise it will transform your communication skills. I think you're in a good spot right now because you're being proactive instead of reactive. You're in a position to change things before they get worse.
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Basically, I have tried many times to talk to him and connect but he gets angry and shuts down.
Then quit doing what you're doing. Remember cheeseless tunnels from DR? MWD also talks about in DR how this woman kept trying to communicate to her H and he would shut down. She tried different methods, even went to a communication workshop. But her approach didn't work, he kept shutting down. Finally she gave up saying she had "tried everything". But to her H, it was ALL nagging. That was his perception. She hadn't "tried everything" at all, she kept doing the same thing, just putting different names on it! I think you're doing the same (trying the same approach over and over), and it's clearly not working. So stop, and do something REALLY different (5LL will help you there).
