Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part V)

[AnotherStander]

Interesting interactions with W yesterday. First she called me at 4:00 to ask if I could pick S10 up at 4:30. I told her I would leave ASAP but it would be 4:40 before I got there (due to the drive). She was very apologetic, but I told her it was no problem. This is a big 180 for me, before BD I would have griped about her not giving me any notice, and griped about having to rush, etc. Of course the griping never accomplished anything, so why bother? So now I just do it and don't let it affect my PMA.

Later that evening W called again, I suspected it was going to be about the D paperwork which she said she would be getting this week but it wasn't. Turns out she had put a locator on D16's phone and last Saturday D16 was not where she said she was at 1:00 am (she was supposed to be spending the night with a friend, but was in or around a restaurant instead). W called her and asked where she was, and D16 promptly turned off the locator (up to that point D16 didn't know it was on her phone, W didn't tell her). That led to a big argument between W and D16 and based on what W described D16 was very disrespectful towards her. You may recall that I've mentioned I've always been the discipline in the family, W would never follow through and as a result the kids don't respect her in that way. Anyway, W said she's been losing a lot of sleep over it and wanted to discuss it with me. We talked it over and decided we would sit down with D16 together and discuss boundaries. One boundary W set with her was that she has to be home by midnight, but W didn't tell me about this. D16 used to work until closing (midnight), so when she got home later than that I assumed it was because of work. Turns out Sonic changed their closing time to 11:00. I told W that if that was the case then I was in complete agreement that D16 should be home no later than midnight. BUT, since W had not told me, D16 yelled at W about it, told her I didn't make her come home by midnight so it wasn't fair that W did. I told W that I thought it would be good for both of us to talk to her so she'd know we were united on this. I told her we should tell D16 our main concern is security, a young, attractive girl should not be out driving by herself that late, especially when she's been working in a very public place where someone might watch for her and follow her. Also that's peak time for drunk/ tipsy drivers to be out, heck I avoid driving that late myself for that reason. We also talked about the locator and both agreed D16 needs to turn it back on. When W told her to turn it back on (before our convo) D16 got very angry and told her she would rather giver her the phone back. I told W that I think D16 would be OK with it if she understood that it is a security thing, if something were to happen to her that would be the first way to verify if something is wrong. IE, if she's late getting home and the locator shows her 100 miles away then we would know something is wrong and could take action.

There was a lot more to the convo, but the point I was making is that W reached out to me on this and that hasn't happened in a long, long time. And she said felt much better about it after our discussion. After that convo she lingered quite a while making small talk, I finally told her I had to get S10 off to bed and we hung up.

Our last interaction before today was an angry email. Today in person it's like it had never happened.

Email and text are destroying relationships, LOL! People say hurtful things in email or text that they would never say in person or even on the phone.

This lady that you date on and off, strange question but I'm intrigued, do you ever discuss your M with her?
Do you ever talk about the changes you have made in your life because of what has happened?

We have talked about it, but not a lot. Her baggage makes my baggage look like a carry-on, LOL! So I've spent lots of time validating and not a lot talking about my own sitch. Honestly I've been trying to distance from her lately and she just won't leave me alone. I'm getting a taste of what WAS's must think when the LBS is pursuing them, and it's annoying

Good to hear that everything is going well AS-you are truly an inspiration. Love reading your advice. Your truth is your own, and that is hard come by.

Thank you Ruby! I get a lot of inspiration from you too, it's amazing how far you've come and how strong you are now