Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

25yearsmlc - I do apologize for not answering. I tend to "go off" in my thinking and just write what I am feeling. I SO appreciate the support here at DB and I cannot tell you how blessed I am that you are posting on my thread. I know that you have other questions to me in another post, but I wanted to post responses to these:

Of course I am presuming you DO have a L, right? And how long can they really take "perusing" the PSA?

Yes, I do have a lawyer. Based on my meetings/discussions with her, my H does NOT have grounds to divorce me, and as a result her cannot file for a D for 1 year from separation if he does NOT have a PSA in place. With a PSA, he can file within 6 months of separation. So the PSA shortens the time to file for a D.

Can you now recall some of those things? And is he correct in saying you two argued a lot?

I can recall some of or arguments and discussions. Prior to 2009, we had a lot of arguments about both he and myself. He complained that I was hell bent on being unhappy because I was dismissive of people and that I held on to anger. I complained that he took me for granted and didn't support me. It was a cycle for about 1 year. Before he left in 2009, I sought counseling for the anger and discovered that I was repressing my abusive past with my father and grandfather. In relationships I had prior to my H, I did not have a desire for them to last. When I met my H, that changed. I WANTED to be with him, he opened my eyes for the first time. He cared about my well-being.

I really did come through counseling and dealing with the past abuse and confronted my father on his abuse. I told my mother and my sisters finally after keeping it hidden for years. It was what I needed to move forward and I lost all desire to be angry. In my H message, you also noted the calm discussions since that time, because I did not have a desire to be angry. We reconciled the first time during my recovery of anger. The discussions we have had over this past year was always how we were doing, spending time together until he disclosed in August that he was unhappy yet again and HE wanted to talk about the R. We talked but he was already having an affair.

From your own words, I sensed a lot of dissatisfaction expressed by you to him so I assume there were fights. Is that what he's referring to?

Prior to 2009, we had a lot of arguments about both he and myself. He complained that I was hell bent on being unhappy because I was dismissive of people and that I held on to anger. I complained that he took me for granted and didn't support me. But then, he had an affair then as well. This last 2 years, I have spent being a better wife and listener. We have always talked with calm and care over the last 2 years and HE said WAS happy and things seemed to be going great until August, when I found out that he may have been seeing someone. I guess how can you be working on a marriage if you spending time emotionally attaching yourself to someone other than your spouse?

What would you change in yourself if you two were to reconcile?

I would learned to understand more of his emotional triggers for love and connection. I think he is lacking that from me. He also said he wanted someone to talk to - I thought I was always available to talk and we DID talk. Maybe I was not always a good listener.