Pregnant h wants a divorce after deployment

[Pudmuddle]

spending way too much time thinking about this,

YES! You are. STOP.
[quote]
no man would plan on leaving everything in his life for a two week fling. [/quote/

YES. they would. They are getting something emotional (high) they are not getting at home. It doesn't matter how long it has gone one. Why? Because you don't care.

Work on you Preggo. Not him. You cannot fix him.

Reread your goals like labug suggests.

You are stronger than you think.

[Preggonomore]

Am about to go out with a bunch of girls. Still GALing, even though GAL was never a problem for me.

When H got home I was laughing and talking with my mom on skype. I didn't hang up with her to give him attention, like I usually do. H is also very embarrassed of my mom, so he kept walking around and being playful with DS1.

I must be at the angry stage of grieving. Can't look at his face today, for some reason.

[Preggonomore]

Journaling: one of my girlfriends is a psychologist and she is the fourth person to say she things H has a personality disorder (borderline). She says his behavior is so inconsistent and out of character that she wouldn't be surprised if he became violent.

I came home at 10:30, a time I know H is usually asleep and he was still awake with all the lights on. He didn't look at me or said hello. Ugh. I'm so tired of his drama. I feel like saying: if you don't want to be here, just go already.

[AnotherStander]

- stop talking about OW as if she is the center of our problems.

Good. Also strive to stop THINKING about OW. Just try to remember that OW is not the cause of your marital problems, OW is a symptom. Your task is to address the cause.

- stop pursuing by trying to convince him to stay ---- THIS IS HARD

It's not hard if you know how much damage you're doing when you apply pressure to him. Be mindful of WHY you shouldn't pursue.

- be more rational and level headed when discussions of divorce present themselves (not losing it in tears and threats)

Going back to your earlier comment, both of you agreed to table it at least until the baby is born, so if he brings it up just remind him of that.

[labug]

Journaling: one of my girlfriends is a psychologist and she is the fourth person to say she things H has a personality disorder (borderline). She says his behavior is so inconsistent and out of character that she wouldn't be surprised if he became violent.

I came home at 10:30, a time I know H is usually asleep and he was still awake with all the lights on. He didn't look at me or said hello. Ugh. I'm so tired of his drama. I feel like saying: if you don't want to be here, just go already.

What does this mean, Preggo?

You said yourself he has PTSD, was that diagnosed? Is he getting treatment? If not, it's another reason why you should back off and live your life.

Do you have an IC? sorry, I don't remember. It would be helpful as the significant others of those with PTSD need help, too.

Not to mention the fact that you'll have 2 infants at home an a husband with something going on.

Avail yourself of whatever help you can find.

[Preggonomore]

He is not getting treatment. Don't know if I shared this here, but H was suicidal while there and when he arrived, so I contacted his chain of command to do a mental evaluation on him. The colonel called me saying he was going to be forced to undergo treatment, but after several tests, that same colonel called saying he passed them.

He came home furious at me. I was afraid he would physically attack me. He is a major and in charge of hundreds of marines, so it was very embarrassing for him to go through a mental evaluation for suicide, when so many marines are committing suicide in this base. As a leader he is supposed to be the level headed one.

A few days before his mental evaluation, and this is the reason why I reported him, he was a acting very strange and made confessions about wanting to end his life. He also said that he contemplated seriously on how to do it at least twice in his life. Ever since I met him, five years ago, he has said at least 6 times throughout the years, when he goes through his lows, that he wishes he was dead.

I met him right after he got back from Iraq, so it could be PTSD from that too, but his family and ex wife suspect is something else, like a personality disorder, and borderline comes to everyone's minds, even his ex wife.

When I shared with him that we all suspect he is borderline, he read about it and agreed that he may in fact have that condition, and said he may get help, but he couldn't promise me.

Today at our therapy session I will bring this up in front of him, even though I already mention my suspicions to our marriage counselor.

I will start seeing a counselor for myself because you are right, labug, I will have two small children and don't have time to deal with a major mental issue.

[Preggonomore]

Day 5 of Dbing:

H didn't talk with me last night, so I have to be the bigger person and say good morning cheerfully. I was playing with S1 downstairs and we came down in a good mood.

H had his perennial solemn look.

He pointed at his forehead, where a huge zit is literally deforming him eyebrow and asked me if I thought it was something serious. He is a hypochondriac and thinks any ailment is cancer, so I told him to go see a doctor. Of course it's just a zit, but I said to S1, joking, "look, S1! Your daddy not only behaves like a teenager, but looks like one!"

H half smiled and asked if we are still going to counseling.

[labug]

Everyone jumps on the borderline bandwagon, it may be true but without proper diagnosis, you don't know.

Borderline is not something to lightly throw into a conversation. Have you read about the success rates of treating it? I'd be seriously praying that it's not that.

Your H has a MH issue and needs treatment, whether of not he gets that remains to be seen. You have to protect yourself and your children.

You question is going to be how do you handle this? You need more than an MC to get you through this. I'm glad you're going to see someone.

This is tough stuff. Find a support group too, if you can.

[Preggonomore]

You are right, labug, it's very hard to treat borderline. One part of me was so relieved when I read about it because I felt like there was a name for his erratic behavior and I could relax that I was not imagining things, but another part of me is like, oh, crap, what now?

[labug]

Lots of diagnoses include erratic behavior. He needs a full eval (which he probably won't get)and proper therapy, perhaps meds...but we know that probably won't happen.