In and out of fog city

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Immediately after BD, I did a few typical things that LBS do. I stepped up my housework, was cooking meals from recipes from Sunset Magazine and I doubled my efforts to find better/more work (which was my Ws primary complaint at the time of BD.) The housework efforts lasted two weeks or less. As soon as my w started leaving the house with a packed bag and not telling me where she was going I went dark.

A few things that I never did
1. I never broke down in tears in front of her
2. I never begged or pleaded for her to stay
3. I never used logic to try to convince her to stay
4. I never got angry with her
5. I have not told her that I love her since BD. Early I told her that she was breaking my heart

What I did do
1. I did tell her on two different occasions in the first 6 weeks after BD that I suspected an OM. She denied
2. I did say that I understood that she wanted to leave but that I would prefer that she stayed. (very close to my exact words)

From mid-March thru late April we had very little contact. From May until now we have had pretty consistent friendly contact. (mostly a few texts every couple of days) On a few different occasions we may have gone a week to 9 days with no contact.

During our M we rarely went a day without speaking. W always needed a lot of attention compared to other women I have dated. During our last year together I had started following a couple of my favorite sports teams more closely (the SF bay area teams did very well last year). Also right before BD I had gone on a ski trip with friends. I am not sure if these things would have impacted BD.

I don’t feel like I every really chased my W after BD.
Over the past few months W has told me that she will always love me and cherish the time we had together (I did get a ILYBNILWY a few weeks after this statement) She has reached out to me for emotional support. She has seeked me out to spend time with me and blow off steam. And last week she asked me for sex.

So last night she couldn’t follow through with the sex. She was concerned that I would be too emotionally involved. She said that ex-sex could be problematic like that. She said that it would be emotion free for her.

We did hug for a long time. While we were talking she admitted that when things get tough she runs. She told me that when she saw her doctor and got meds she told the doctor that she has had suicidal thoughts. When she finally left the house last night, she said that she was running again. I asked if I would ever see her again and she said that she didn’t know. She did kiss me goodbye (just a peck on the lips). I can’t remember everything we talked about last night, but given the topics of conversation (sex, her running away, wanting to hurt herself), I am sure I said some things I should not have without realizing it. The previous time we saw each other, she text me saying she missed spending her nights with me. This time I got nothing.

W ran from her first marriage and now she is running from me. I believe that she has been in MLC mode since she left her first M. I have a hard time believing that W’s path will lead her back to me if I go dark for a long period of time. She won’t go back to her first H who has been M for 10+ years and has small children with his new W. I can give her space to fix herself, but she won’t. She has nobody in her life to give her support. No close family; no close friends. She is reaching out to me and pushing me away at the same time.

How can I offer her my support?