Suckerpunch (the process)

[25yearsmlc]

It has been quite some time since I have posted. I have been bound and determined to GAL and move on, and I have been doing just that...busy busy busy!. The divorce process is undergoing. I have chose not to pay much attention to it, more or less sticking my fingers in my ears and saying, "lalalala". I have been going out a lot and meeting lots of new people. The weeks I have daughter, I am stuck like glue to her. I have not had her with a babysitter even once. My time with daughter is very precious to me, more so than it has ever been.

My interactions with Wife have been very business like. I am cordial and obliging, but far from friendly. I have few words to share with her. I have tried to be considerate of all her requests, and the fact that she is moving on with her own life. She is now living, pretty much, full time at OM's house. He has been gifting my daughter and even threw her a "welcome home" party the last time she came home from her week long visit with me, complete with cake, candles, decorations and party hats. I really didn't know what to say when I found out about that, so I didn't say anything at all. He has also got her involved in BMX. She seems to really enjoy it. It hurts me deeply, but I realize that it's a positive for daughter and at least this guy is trying to make a connection with her. It could be much worse.

I thank GOD you put your daughters welfare ahead of your jealousy.

It's NOT easy to do. Any parent would squirm, but like any mom who leaves her baby with a sitter, I KNOW that having an additional adult love my kid, is a GOOD thing for my kid.

It does not replace my parental love, it adds to the love I give.

I have also been considering other relationships, even been on a few dates. On one hand I think I am ready, not for something serious or long term, but to at least re-enter the dating scene. I have whole heartedly realized that W isn't coming back, and even if she did wish to reconcile, I honestly don't think I could take her back. It has just gone past the point of saving the marriage. Too much damage has been done.

Okay. Enough said. So be it.


one thing that is bothering me, and I would like to ask for some advice.

think about this. You want "advice" about your next comments...really?


This last week, I have really felt a change in feelings for my wife once again. This is somewhat strange to me, because I have distanced myself so far from her that I don't really think that much about her anymore. This is something new that seemingly came out of nowhere. I am also starting to wake up in the middle of the night with her on my mind. I am starting to feel hatred towards her. This isn't the old feelings of hurt being turned into anger. I literally am starting to dislike her as a person. The reason being, she chose (whether anyone here agrees or not) to leave the relationship. She left me, abandoned me. She threw me out like yesterdays garbage. At least, that is how I feel.

WE KNOW that's how you FEEL.

As for "Advice"...um, I think you have converted your pain into anger which converted into rage and now seems like hatred.

IMO It's your ego making things more familiar to you - b/c your anger is much more familiar to you than a broken heart.

My "advice" is to keep growing spiritually and STOP making your wife WRONG to have left you. Period.

ALL your focus should be on your own growth and your d's well being. Period.


She also took my daughter from my life, half of the time and inserted her almost immediately into another persons world with new people, places and interactions. That really makes me dislike her, deep down.


Well...um, geez...howw can I say this??

Uh, here goes...

SO WHAT? She left you b/c she says you treated her badly over a period of time -
and now she's with a man whom she SAYS treats her better. With me, so far?

You still want her to be wrong?

I think that is b/c hatred and negative emotions are what your family has taught you to do, in some sort of "safety vest" modus operandi. You have said as much in the past about how they handle things and how YOU want to be different and more positive in life. Don't forget that wish.

I don't share the negative approach and don't want assignment of blame and not taking any.

You SAY you own your mistakes but I don't buy that. Whenever you feel sad, I think it's you beginnning to own something--

but being sad feels SO uncomfortable to you, that you revert to the angry "needs to be right" guy. Again.

What's so bad about having blown it? I mean, it's like it kills you to admit being wrong.

What's so bad about taking your w for granted and mistreating her and being a lousy h FOR AWHILE?

It's not the worst thing IF YOU CHANGE....but it does cost you a lot.
The longer you fight this reality, the more you can "hate" the mother of your child.

But don't pretend to be a better man for this OR that you are putting your d ahead of your wounded ego. B/c you're not.


I am doing a great job of controlling my feelings towards her. I never speak a bad word. I don't act out in anger. I think everyone would be surprised to know how I am truly starting to feel about her. Is this normal? Is it necessarily a bad thing?

Do you honestly wonder if this is a GOOD thing? I don't.


Here is another question. W sent me a text message tonight saying that she would like to pick daughter up from school on her B-day and spend time with her until 6pm. It is my day to have daughter, and I planned on having a B-day party for her, and I would need to get her and myself ready. I don't want to keep W from sharing time with her, but is that really a request I should honor, or should I simply tell her no?

I don't give a rat's behind....who has "that day" IF it's her birthday? I mean are you suggesting NOT sharing your d on her birthday b/c you two cannot be around each other? How's that going to feel when it doesn't land on "your" day?

Isn't it really your daughter's day?

Well if it is the case that you cannot be around your w b/c you "hate her so deeply", then

your d's birthdays will always be painful reminders of her parents putting their resentments ahead of their love for her.

IF your biggest goal is making sure your d feels loved BY BOTH PARENTS

do whatever it takes to make that reality.