Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

The meds are helping. I am on a very low dose but it seems to be enough to keep my mood somewhat light. Very much needed and I probably should have started them a long time ago.

Things continue to be a bit of a roller coaster. A kiddie coaster, but there is still some up and down, lately with more down. H postulated that we are both "adversarial". I think he's more adversarial but I didn't challenge him. He still flies off the handle at little things but I am just trying to handle it better.

Breakdown, something you wrote on my last post is bothering me a little bit. I had said that I missed my friendship with OM1. Well, this is true, I do miss it. But I know that even if he hadn't moved across the world, I wouldn't have been able to continue my friendship with him, and I know that I can't get into another situation like that. Doesn't mean I don't miss it though. It's like giving up smoking. You do it because smoking is bad for you, not because you didn't enjoy doing it. I allow myself to miss OM1 without any intention of ever acting on it. I am not the person who can just cut off memories and feelings.

Not much else specific to report at this time. We are deep in the work of repairing years of damage, bad habits and bad behavior. It is slow going. We get annoyed with each other once in a while. Life happens and we get caught up in the day to day of that. MC is still going well and is very much needed. I think H and I need to focus on being on the same team instead of opponents.