Yes Snodderly, the boys, are old enough to see what is happening even though I don't tell them about our conversations. My S18 has become very good at being discreetly behind the scenes and listening. A couple of times I've figured it out and called him to "ask a question" and he moves on.
I'm convinced he thought that I'd just do it all or it would be easier or whatever. Not that he'd be driving his leaking (yup, S18 told me last night H's new truck leaks) truck to his rented bedroom sleeping on his cot while one son will not talk to him at all and the other runs hot and cold. You would think I was out buying louboutin shoes with his money!!!!
I'm so tired of his crap. I'm doing a good job with my boys, considering the circumstances, yet he feels the need to constantly beat me up. I want to hit back so badly.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, His time will come and trust me, God does have a way of turning things around.
Continue to be yourself and do whatever you need to do to protect your boys. They are precious and do not need to be pawns in your h's game.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm trying very hard to understand God's plan for me and my boys Snodderly. I' pray to His way and accept the road it's proving very hard
When you marry, as we all know here, and share ourselves with our spouses and bring children into the world we do it with as open a heart as we can.......I guess, I'm learning that everyone's ability to do this is different and based on a life we had/have no control over. I feel like my children are collateral and no matter how often I place myself in the line of fire I miss it sometimes and they're getting hit. This is very, very hard for me to wrap my head around or even try and predict which direction the blow is coming from.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Is there any way you can get some type of legal, controlled separation? This way, it spells out what expenses and funds you and H each will need to contribute until the divorce is final. I am not sure if there is even one in place, WR...isn't it? I'm thinking it would be a way to protect yourself financially and force H to contribute his share of the costs.
This is what the fining ciao statement will create, once I've filled it out correctly, in the meantime he is legally allowed to do whatever he wants financially......gotta love the "justice" system.
H never did respond to my last text re: who should inform the boys. S18 hasn't talked to him in 2 days either.
How he can't see this mess is just beyond me
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
So I kinda lost it tonight, in my defence this is the first "crazy" wife appearance.
H, at the beginning of September sent me a text outlining I needed to pay $400 towards the beginning of the month mortgage, he'd cover the 20th and as he had rent on the 1st I had to pay 4th. I never said anything except that if I'm starting to pay the mortgage I'm unable to pay the larger visa anymore. He said it is what it is.
Today I deposited the mortgage payment into the acct but whe I got home from deliveries I had a message from the mortgage company and they would only be calling for one reason . I called the. Bank and sure enough the 20th payment bounced.
I called H. Had to use S cell as he wouldn't pick up the house phone. I asked him why he would do that and he said he has no money. He has to start all over again and I need to stop dragging my feet and move on. I said I'm not dragging my feet but it takes time to work on it. I said why would you bounce the mortgage when it is the one contribution to your children. "To get your attention! You need to stop stalling" I said you are denying money to your children to get my attention? Who does that? Then he said that I'm being difficult and he's sleeping g on the floor on a cot and I interrupted saying this was your decision to leave. You should have planned it out better. Made arrangements Your kids cannot suffer because you want to get my attention and a new bed. I said this is why people move into their basements or with family to which he responded "yeah, I would move into the basement to hear you yell". I said I don't yell anymore. I'm completely different .... Ask anyone. He said he didn't care and I said it doesn't matter to me if you care but this is the first phone call where I'm freking out becaaus you're bouncing the mortgage on the home in which your children live and didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. He said he wouldn't be paying next month either and not any month until we sit down and figure it out. I said you make one payment. For our children's care, I haven't asked for spousal, to which he replied why would you get spousal when you make more than me.....I said what are you talking about. You've always been the main bread winner? I said you've never even shown up here with a bag of apples for our boys and now you're taking money away from them. He said to stop saying that he was taking it from me until I take him seriously. I said its for the boys. I said you're that guy. The guy that withholds funds from his. Children to hurt the wife like I'm out buying shoes . I said does that make you feel good? More like a man? I said how does it feel to be that guy? He said stop stalling I need to pay the. Visas and my gas and food and rent and haven't even paid J for the car. I said that's all too bad but doesn't. Negate your responsibility to your sons. I said I'm the one here cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and he said when....you're never home? Wtf!?!! Are you talking about? I said you are their father and need to act like it. I said you have one son who won't talk to you, he interrupted saying well who's fault is that ., I said do not put that on me, I told you from day one they were struggling and that you needed to talk to them and be there for them and you accused me of trying to make you feel guilty. Now one won't talk to you and the other runs not and cold. I said you're loosing them! All he was fixated on was that I need to stop saying I'm ok with the divorce because if I was it should all be done by now. I told him the guy that does nothing but go to work doesn't get to comment on the woman doing it all. He said you need to stop playing the victim. I said I'm no victim. It's a statement of fact. You needed out. You needed change. You made no plans for it, he said I've been planning for years and I said well, you should have had better solutions in place then, the fact you can't pay your bills or take care of your children, stop saying that he said....it's the truth, because you need to prove a point and get a bed makes you "that guy"
Anyway, this went on for about 15 minutes until he all of a sudden said I hung up on him because he couldn't hear me and the. He hung up.
Bad, on my part, on so many levels I know. But OH MY LORD He's crazy. Just selfish crazy stupid and then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I hear you WR. s20is coming in this weekend for s17 race and h wants to tell him that he has filed. do they think the kids are just going to say oh, ok? whatever? Ive been a SAH mom for 20 years. I am now taking classes in order to get a job. so dependent on h for the financial support. such a crappy sit to be in. I know the prize is my kids. my heart breaks for them though. they can't unhear some of the things h has said.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
WR, I'm so sorry to hear this. He's the one projecting on to you, i.e., playing the victim. He admitted he wanted your attention and like a child, didn't know how to go about it and has now put you in a monetary bind on the mortgage. I'm afraid I saw this coming. Please try to make the payments yourself, but document them for your case. You can't rely on him and he's going to continue this type of behavior in retaliation of the fact that things are dragging out. He doesn't understand that it takes time to process all of the paperwork.
The more you try to reason w/him, the more he's going to dig his heels in. The best thing you can do is document and advise your lawyer of the issues.
Again, I am very sorry. Please take care of yourself and your boys.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes it is perfectly okay to just let it all out and the MLCer does need to hear the reality of things. Problem is that they are truly out of touch with reality...just take a look around this forum. We all can't be Betty Bo Beeps all the time and tip toe around the MLCer.
I recall Lisa (WishingItWasOver) would occasionally let her MLC H have it when she became fed up or frustrated with his antics and frankly they did her no harm at all.
Is there anyway you can take on some work from home that will allow you to bring extra money into your account? Two very easy and fast ways to make money are dog walking and taking care of elderly folks in their own homes such as cooking for them or playing cards with them.
