on the edge...

[sandi2]

I like all of Dobson's material, but you have to understand something here and now. Every book and/or M program will differ to some degree. DBing is not known as some tough love program, so naturally, it is going to have very different advice from a book entitled Tough Love! Why does that confuse you to find out there are different opinions when there are more than one book/program?

You can do some reviewing and research to see what you believe you need to do. But even members here on the board may not always agree one hundred percent of the time.

I didn't think about you showing your W what I had posted to you. So, does she know about the DB board now? If not, don't reveal it to her, IIMHO, it is a place of support and help for the individual. If she does not agree to work with you to protect the M, then you don't need her seeing what you post here. Some have compared it to exposing your game plan.

Even if she agrees to working in the M, she may not put a hundred percent effort into it. But it doesn't mean she isn't trying to do the right thing. The WAW has her own separate work that needs to be done within herself. Just as you will need to be doing some of your own work. There is individual work and couple work.

Btw, I'm not telling you to not help your W around the house, okay? But I have never known of a woman having an A due to H not cleaning the kitchen. If her emotional needs are met by you.......she will be able to overlook some dirty dishes. Unmet needs however, magnify everything that would otherwise be a minor irratation. I find it rather sad that one of the first things most LBH'S decide to use as a 180......is to help around the house more. That is very....Very telling, IMO.

Perhaps you could do a goggle search for her need/his needs? I can tell you something about that OM. The A happened b/c of how he made her feel. There was some emotional need that was not being met, until he came on the scene.