"I think the fact that others chime in on this is so good for several reasons. It gives different perspectives, new ideas, new thoughts and so on – but at the same time it challenges the path I have chosen and every path should be challenged"
But when you respond to different advice/opinions by saying it confuses you, then I get concerned. As you have told me more than once, you need to understand the whys and how's to do to it. Even though there are some things I may not know how to explain to your satisfaction, this is your life and the decisions are yours to make.....in everything. And I agree that others chiming in does give different perspectives, which is good as long as it doesn't mess with your mind to the point of not knowing which way to go. We all need to hear what others have to say and then each of us make our own decisions.
"So forth everything has turned out more or less exactly as you predicted but are you absolutely sure this should be done now?"
No, I am not absolutely sure.
"I will still follow your advice but this one I need to understand this! Why now?"
B/c it has been seven weeks.......averaging about one invitation & rejection per week, but mainly b/c of your plans for Christmas. The closer the time gets to December before you accept an invitation, the more likely she will feel you set her up just to spring your request to get the kids for that holiday. If my H did that to me....I would be more than furious! This would be like cutting off your nose to spite your face! You have already said you will have to wait longer, now, before saying anything about Christmas. Your time will be getting too short too quickly and you will find yourself in a very bad spot.
You know she is going to be upset when you tell her you do not plan to share the holiday with her (which I agree), but if your timing is off, it could backfire and you be set back in your journey. Remember, just a very short time ago, you could not bear the thought of going through Christmas any differently than the past years with her. She is still under the impression it will be the entire family gathered around the tree Christmas morning.
It is one thing for her to get upset the you are rejecting some weekly time with her and the kids.....but it is another matter when it all snowballs into a huge mess at the end of the year and you don't understand what you did wrong. Timing, F, good timing is everything!
The reason I suggested your house is b/c she needs to see those little changes. You want to have the entire place fixed, when all that's necessary is for her to notice the names have been removed from the door. In fact, it would probably have more impact than the flooring changed, IMO. However, it's fine if you want to choose another place. I do think something with a planned beginning and ending is a good idea.
Please take care of yourself and get well very soon!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
