Since you went away....

[complicated]

RL,

I am anxiously waiting for an update. Curious if you have heard any more from your H or your mlc friend.

I guess it just goes to show you this happens more than we think.

Please update us!

[nero]

HHHHHEEEEEEYYYYYY LINNNDA -

are ya there? is he back? are you okay??? just thinking about you alot- hope all is ewll.

mini crisis w/ mom- work tue-wed-thur- etc.

xxo

[Wonka]

Methinks Linda got the summons to be Prince George's godmother so she's delayed in London!!! Hey, be sure to put on some nice lipstick and pick up a wide-brimmed hat along the way for the photo-op.

[RosaLinda]

Hello everyone, thanks for checking on me. I'm sorry for not posting for a week, but have been so busy. Good busy, but running hard. I feel badly posting on my own thread when I don't have time to check on all my friends first. 

 My vision is a lot better but my eye still aches. It is sometimes clear as a bell, and sometimes everything looks as if my glasses are dirty. Except that there is no lens in that side of my glasses. I'm seeing the surgeon today. He wants to operate on the other eye next Wednesday. He scheduled it before I went away, but I was assuming the original eye would have healed by now. It's a scary proposition to me, although he assures me each eye is different but it is scary to think of seeing blurry with both eyes. 

My H returned from Moscow yesterday. I had not heard from him for almost two weeks. He has been telling me a few things about his trip, and I am desperately trying not to ask questions, but it's SO hard not to.

He says the flat that the Tramp had arranged for him fell through, so he ended up staying with the Tramp, her 82 year old mother and her niece in their one bedroom apartment.  I am not too happy about that, and feel like he lied to me about everything. Although what else is new? 

He said RT's mother charged him $500 to stay there for a month. That is confusing me, as I had assumed RT would have introduced him as her American fiance or boyfriend. 

He says he and the mother were alone most days, as RT is gone to work for over 12 hours every day. She cooked for him. She apparently speaks broken Russian-Korean and was hard for H to understand. He said the flat was a dump, and he repaired many things for the mother - spackled the wall, repaired electrical outlets, the stove, the toilet, the sink. 

He had his tooth extracted at a regular dental clinic a week ago. It cost him $130, NOT a bottle of vodka, and it still hurts him a lot and he feels as if he has a sinus infection on that side. 

They did not have time to see St. Petersburg, which was one of his main goals for this trip. I guess that leaves him longing to return. 

He was already on skype with RT at 4:30 this morning.  I don't know what their relationship is from the little he told me, but it sounds like nothing has changed. I don't know if RT still wants to marry him, if she is still unaware H cannot secure a green card for her. I was ready for H to declare that he was divorcing me, and I was ready for H to say that they have broken up or are back to just being friends. I guess I was not prepared to learn everything is exactly the same. How could it be? 

I guess I will just have to control myself and sit back and quietly wait for answers to be revealed. To STFU. But it's so so hard. 

[job]

Rosa,
Have a discussion w/your surgeon about your current eye's recovery. You should be seeing much better by now. I wouldn't have the other eye done until I was certain that the other one was recovered nicely. There is no need to go around w/both eyes acting up periodically.

As for your h, apparently, the lifestyle didn't bother him. I can't believe he was charged him $500 to stay in the dump and then he also did repairs for the woman. The mother saw a fool coming and took advantage of him. I'm not at all surprised that the original flat fell thru.

If I were him, I would see my dentist and have that extraction area checked. He could very well have a dry socket or infection.

If this isn't a bust on a fantasy, I don't know what is. I'm praying that things will die a natural death and the RT goes back into the woodwork.

Good luck today at the surgeon's.

[LoisB]

Rosa,

So, she goes to work and he stays back with the Russian mother to spackle walls? And, he paid $500 big ones for this?

The Russian-Korean thing is crazeeeee funny. Imagine this guy spackling with a toothache.

I will have this image in my head today. Thank you for that. I'm sure all these MLC-ers have insane moments like these, but we just don't hear about them. Finally, a glimpse into MLC-land! :-)

This trip sounds like a comedy sketch or movie. Write it down and send the script to Hollywood.

Just when I think I've heard it all.

Heather

[ForeverYoung]

Hi RL!

I'm glad to hear you are doing well, I hope your eye heals up soon. Please don't worry about not checking in with everyone here, it's ok to have a busy life of your own!

It doesn't sound like H had a romantic time fixing toilets in a dumpy one bedroom apartment with 3 women! Maybe now he'll better appreciate his comfortable home with his faithful and loving W.

Did he show you any pictures? Did he ask about your trip?

[nero]

hey hi-

glad to hear from you. sorry as can be that the outcome was not something wonderful- on the other hand, glad to hear it's not something "terrible".

stinking sitch, stinkin mlc - stinkin everything sometimes (like last couple years)

glad you're out there and still hanging in there. it's sooo tough - been thinking of you alot and wondering. you sound okay- philosophical. it's all we have, isn't it? rein self in- keep "normal", keep putting one foot in front of the other.

me too- am sick as he!! of this all - nothing has changed here either (h "out of town") die jacka$$ - i hate it- i hate it - i hate it.

can't do a damn thing about it- but vent and shout on paper (here) - pathetic, not even yelling out loud in the yard or something. if i lived next to an airport i'd go out and scream when planes went overhead- that is quite wonderful for letting off steam.

oh well-

i do not know today how or why i am in this sitch/life still. well, do not mean dying - don't want to do that. just cannot imagine really that anything will EVER change- .....

i'm stopping there- o got nothin- sos. $ucks so much doesn't it???

good luck withyour eyes - scary stuff. hope it all goes well.

xxoo

[reachingHigher]

I read your description of the Moscow trip.

Some of the realities for your H were a bit startling!

I'm so sorry nothing has changed in your sitch. Sometimes it is so discouraging to know limbo continues. You mean, we continue on this way?

Do take care of yourself. Do insist on the best treatment for your eyes. I know you will.

Thinking of you,
rH

[RosaLinda]

Snodderly "If this isn't a bust on a fantasy, I don't know what is. I'm praying that things will die a natural death and the RT goes back into the woodwork."

Thank you Snodderly. I am also hoping this relationship is over soon. It is horribly destructive and I cannot understand it except to shrug and chalk it up to MLC. 

On the way to H's tests on the tumor in his stomach (they were fine, no cancer) H told me that he feels horribly ill again with his same symptoms  - fatigue, dizziness, nausea and horrific headaches. He says he was sick in bed much of the last week of his trip, and had to take his narcotic pain killers to be able to function the rest of the time. He was already sick and the dental extraction has just made things worse. 

He was hoping he had stomach cancer (WTF?!) but now thinks he has lymes encephalitis again. I agree that his lymes disease is out of control again, but if he would take his antibiotics instead of fermented oatmeal, he would feel better. 

Now RT wants him to go to a famous health clinic in Korea to get diagnosed. Korea!!! He has a diagnosis - he has frigging lymes and a bunch of other serious diagnoses, if she would lay off him maybe he would take the antibiotics and his heart medication. 

I wish RT would "go back into the woodwork" like you said Snodderly. Their relationship defies reason. I am trying to validate H but this is only his first full day back home and already my head is spinning at his revelations. Simply unbelievable. 

Heather "I will have this image in my head today. Thank you for that. I'm sure all these MLC-ers have insane moments like these, but we just don't hear about them. Finally, a glimpse into MLC-land!"

Between my H's insane revelations and those of the friend I visited in England, my head is aching Heather. It is difficult to refrain from screeching "are you F-ing kidding me?" and validate instead. As I sit quietly, he is revealing more, which I will duly report for your listening pleasure!

FY "It doesn't sound like H had a romantic time fixing toilets in a dumpy one bedroom apartment with 3 women! Maybe now he'll better appreciate his comfortable home with his faithful and loving W. 
Did he show you any pictures? Did he ask about your trip?"

I think fixing the toilets and all made him feel useful, FY. In fact, he told me today that he didn't even like Moscow, it was crowded and dirty, but he did enjoy seeing the people, stores, transportation system, and fixing up RT's flat. As uRw would say, he felt like he was saving RT and her mom. And liked it. So his trip didn't make him appreciate me or our home at all, not that one could tell anyway. The only photo he showed me was of RT's mother cooking. He was very interested in my trip, maybe it makes him feel less guilty?

Nero "sorry as can be that the outcome was not something wonderful- on the other hand, glad to hear it's not something "terrible"  

Hi Nero! You're right - it's not terrible. Just more of the same. Or less of the same maybe. I cannot figure them out. WHY would RT's mother charge her daughter's "boyfriend" (that is what RT calls him and it alternately makes me sick and laugh - how can a married 60 year old man be anyone's BOYfriend??) $500 to stay at her crappy flat, especially after he did all those repairs? Unbelievable!

H also told me that he is angry with RT because she asked his advice about buying a car, and then he learned she had also later asked advice of a few other men. Actually the phrase he used is "I hope the car blows up in her face." Yup, me too H. Me too. 

Nero "i do not know today how or why i am in this sitch/life still. well, do not mean dying - don't want to do that. just cannot imagine really that anything will EVER change- ....."  

Well my friend, I'm not sure either, but will tell you this, it is NOT because of anything we did wrong. Have faith Nero, it will get better. I trust it will get better and our crazy Hs will go back to normal. I cannot promise it, but do believe it. Why else would your H keep flying in to NJ to spend time with you? It's crazy, so he must love you, feel connected to you. Otherwise why do it?

rH "Some of the realities for your H were a bit startling! 
I'm so sorry nothing has changed in your sitch. Sometimes it is so discouraging to know limbo continues. You mean, we continue on this way? 
Do take care of yourself. Do insist on the best treatment for your eyes. I know you will."  

Quite startling indeed rH. And these are just his revelations from H's first day. I anticipate more idiotic disclosures in the near future

I read the timeline you posted on your thread today, thanks for that. It gives so many of us hope!!

I saw my eye surgeon. He said the "looking thru dirty eyeglasses" sensation is due to clouding of the back of the old lens, which they leave in as a handy shelf to hold the new lens in place. Not uncommon, and he will treat it with a laser in 2 more months. And the blurred vision and flashes are due to swelling. I'm back on drops three times daily, but it should all clear up soon. Within 2 weeks. Heard that before

So, all in all, things are pretty good here. No new BD, which I'd sort of expected (I know Cadet, I know...) RT is still firmly in H's life, but he has already contacted two of his other language exchange partners, with whom he has not spoken in months. Normal friends, whose emails H reads to me. That sounds hopeful. Back to DBing. I missed him like crazy, but it was nice to be able to relax and just be myself for a month. And now I know that if H does leave me for some Russian tramp, I would eventually be okay. Eventually!