Meltdowns really helps relieve stress, after a good cry I always feel better. Like I hit a reset button.
Good analogy, that's exactly what it feels like. Like I can keep going at least one more day, one day at a time.
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Happiness is a choice. Always remember that. You have to wake up and decide that you are going to be happy that day. If things in your life make you unhappy you have to decide to deal with them or change them. That is what DB does for us.
Yes, true, thanks for the reminder. It's hard to get that back when you feel like the person you love has been beating you down for years.
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Last night I went for a drive with my dog, all windows down singing cheezy 80's music to the top of my lungs. I was happy.
Love it! Nothing like cheesy 80s to cheer you up!
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Our dog use to be the center of my W world, now she can care less about him. She wanted to send him to the SPCA. I couldn't believe how she could love him to pieces for so many years then just give up on him so suddenly. I could not do that, it was hard to find an apartment that took dogs when we split. My dog was always my buddy but he is so much more special to me now. He listens to me and is a great motivator for exercise.
Very sad. I've discovered this is a great indicator that their issues are not all about you, when it affects the dog too. It's THEIR problem!!!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hi PM, was reading your statement about walking away from the beloved family dog(s), I happen to believe there is something to what u said. That it cannot all be about the LBS when we know they loved the dogs also and dont seem to care anymore about for them. As I firmly believe in alot of sitch' depression MLC whatever plays a huge part. Yes, we as LBS' hold some responsibilty for M being bad of course. However, the more I read and learn there is alot to the WAS' past history childhood, past relationships etc that can be directly attributed to to their behavior today. As you asked earlier, Make sense?
Yes, I do agree with what you are saying. I have read those same things about MLC. I also don't think my H knows how to recognize when he is depressed. It is a very hard thing to know when you are going through it, I've been there.
It also ties back to some things he did with his parents, like having a blowout in his teens and moving out to be on his own. He has always 'run away' from his problems instead of trying to see them and make them better. Makes A LOT of sense!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
My C session went well. I'll talk about it later when I've had some time to absorb things.
On another note, My H called while I was driving home from work and left voicemail asking if I could pick up our son from an after school thing. I didn't hear my phone, of course I was driving too. But as soon as I could I called him back and he asked again if I could pick son up because he had a kb class to teach. And I said sure, I was going to take the dog (that you have forgotten!!!<--ok I didn't say that part )out for a jog and then practice my guitar. He said, Oh ok, thanks. So then I said Ok well bye, see ya later. then he said Oh well ummm...so how is the guitar going? I laughed and said well I can play a few notes (me singsonging) ding, ding ding. and I laughed. He then laughed too and said well that's good.
I thought it was interesting how he tried to keep the convo going after I said goodbye. I'll take the small positive for $500 Alex!
Going out for jog, be back later peeps.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I need to process things after speaking with db coach.
I told here my whole married story, I told her how my H was ducking his head when I tried to kiss him on the cheek or quick peck on the lips and one-arm hugs with no warmth. She recommended I stop hugging and kissing him since they weren't welcome by him at all right now. I told her this felt counter-intuitive, not just in a DB way, but because the whole time during my depression I didn't hug or kiss him. Then I started to cry because I can't remember the last time we kissed, I mean really kissed. How sad is that. I told her it would be hard mentally but that I could do it because I am tired of trying to hug and kiss a statue.
I asked if there was anything I could do regarding what I think are his Love Languages, if I could appeal to him through these. His are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Acts of Service. I can remember when we used to be in good standing he was always doing things for me (AOS), even though this isn't my LL. She said there might not be much I can do for him but after I start backing off, look for him to be performing his AOS again, for me. That's a possible way to view things positively meaning he is starting to warm up again. H LOVES to do things for people so I know this means a lot to him. H also likes to be told that he has done a good job for people. He is also Physical Touch, so this would explain why at the point we are in our marriage, he is being distant with me. H used to call me when I was running late, or if I went out to see when I would be home or to see if I was ok. He has not cared to do this at all. So I have been backing off of short funny or howsurdaygoing phone calls lately.
She said to be extremely patient while trying these new small things and to start journaling daily on how he is responding and how I am doing with it. I do this anyways so it will help. Not just for me to measure him but to be able to actually see any signs of progress no matter how small. This will help with the patience level. Because we all know we want things to be fixed RIGHT NOW.
I actually did start backing off on Monday, and I have noticed a few small things. He has called me a couple times when I should be and am on my way home from work, to see when I would be home or if he had a question on logistical stuff. He also has come upstairs to our bedroom, and knocks (which is weird to knock on your own bedroom, but I think he is trying to respect me) and then talks to me about something before he leaves for work.
One night he actually came to the bedroom to talk about school stuff for our S16. It was a short convo, but then he went into the bathroom and was checking on the progress of the cabinets I'm painting. I smiled at this because he has always in the past joined in on house projects I start and then helps me finish or finishes it himself. He didn't say anything but it kind of felt like he was ITCHING to help!
This morning he came up to talk about how or S is not doing his chores. Vented to me about how to help him work on this WITH him. Interesting. He hasn't asked me to help with much lately.
So I'll be posting to my favorite journal buddies here, so you can comment as you wish.
It hurts to detach more from him, but at the same time I have not felt this happy in a LONG time. I feel like I am not being pushed down by his feelings and anger and whatever else he is going through.
Pud = Happy
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Pudmuddle, I too have a teenage son. Does not like the hugs or any interaction really. That's ok. I just keep at it. I know deep down he knows! I sing in the car really loud! I also, walk at the hs track with my headphones on and if no one is there sing out loud. Always make me feel better!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
)out for a jog and then practice my guitar. He said, Oh ok, thanks. So then I said Ok well bye, see ya later. then he said Oh well ummm...so how is the guitar going? I laughed and said well I can play a few notes (me singsonging) ding, ding ding. and I laughed. He then laughed too and said well that's good.