NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[Fartiltre]

Labug,

I think you and I have different a viewpoint.

I agree, but please note that this doesn’t mean for me not to respect you and your viewpoints.

I also do believe that there is some misinterpretation in this!

That's why we need to focus on the only thing we can control.

I am not even close to the place where you are but I am moving towards a place where the doings and sayings of W affect me less. This doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t try to understand her feelings, motivations, reasons and doings and at the same time adjust somewhat in regards of these. I do that with my children, friends and everybody!

I don’t see this as getting wrapped up in what she is saying or doing. Furthermore I do not think that looking at her motives, reasons etc. is me trying to control her. I see it as me trying to gain an understanding that will make me able to make a better choice or decision. What I am saying is that the environment around a decision influences the decision…that’s all!

We might see others as gameplayers because we ourselves operate from that same place.

I understand your view on this point is different than mine. I see many of the things I DBing as playing a game: We talk about DB being counterintuitive, the game of pursuer/distance, keep up the PMA all though feeling otherwise, GAL all though you feel like staying at home and so on. I see this as acting or gameplaying – but if this is done with heart and soul I do not see anything wrong in that. Hopefully it will sink in and become a natural part of the gameplayer/actor.
I do not see this as negatives – I see it as trying to gain an understanding of the dynamics in a D or R and how it affects us and then act accordingly to this, but still within our own boundaries, beliefs, values and so on.

The above doesn’t imply that I am trying to manipulate or control something or anybody – I know you will be able to interpret it as that, but that’s not the meaning of my words.
When we find ourselves in this situation at first we all look for the magic wand – that’s the tool of manipulation or control. Afterwards we realize that this is not to be found and we start the work! That’s where I am right now! I am working me but still looking at my surrounding’s: kids, W, friends, family and so on!
I realize that I properly won’t understand that much ever, but I will still search because the searching itself still provides knowledge and clarification.

We have met the enemy and he is us.

Understood and agreed upon – but I don’t see this applying to the above.

I don’t know if I misinterpreted your post (or perhaps you interpreted my post in Ts thread in another way that I intended when I wrote it) but I do read it as you saying I am trying to control, that I am playing games in a negative way and that the enemy is within me. I do see it otherwise and hope the above explains my POV.
It is hard for me to explain this in short and in English so let me finish by stating that I respect you and your POV deeply and I will remember your words.



JonF,

Thanks for the 2 cents.
It seems like we have the same perception. I have seen a lot from S10 during the years and I think deep down he still hopes for me and XW1 to get together.
It is hard on them and it’s for life!


Back56,

YES – I do have the attention of great advice! I wouldn’t say major surgery – just surgery and I am recovering.
Thanks for the kind words.