I'm sorry to hear about recent events. I know how hard it is to have one person turn away from you. I can't imagine two. All I can say is, when we don't have anyone we can reach out to at a moment of crisis, everything just spills over. As much as we would like to avoid it, it is normal and necessary, but also personal and private. I always feel like hell when I'm in the midst of it, but feel better for a few hours or days afterwards.
I have also done the middle of the night neighborhood walk. It was before W moved out, but sleeping separately. It was cold. However, I didn't feel a thing because I had a buzz going. (BTW, drinking is not something I am prone to. It was my response when I did not have any mechanism for coping.) While I no longer walk at night, I do walk regularly as it helps with my PMA.
As for talking to no one in particular, I talk to my cat. Sometimes she even responds. How crazy is that?
