It has been quite some time since I have posted. I have been bound and determined to GAL and move on, and I have been doing just that...busy busy busy!. The divorce process is undergoing. I have chose not to pay much attention to it, more or less sticking my fingers in my ears and saying, "lalalala". I have been going out a lot and meeting lots of new people. The weeks I have daughter, I am stuck like glue to her. I have not had her with a babysitter even once. My time with daughter is very precious to me, more so than it has ever been.
My interactions with Wife have been very business like. I am cordial and obliging, but far from friendly. I have few words to share with her. I have tried to be considerate of all her requests, and the fact that she is moving on with her own life. She is now living, pretty much, full time at OM's house. He has been gifting my daughter and even threw her a "welcome home" party the last time she came home from her week long visit with me, complete with cake, candles, decorations and party hats. I really didn't know what to say when I found out about that, so I didn't say anything at all. He has also got her involved in BMX. She seems to really enjoy it. It hurts me deeply, but I realize that it's a positive for daughter and at least this guy is trying to make a connection with her. It could be much worse.
I have also been considering other relationships, even been on a few dates. On one hand I think I am ready, not for something serious or long term, but to at least re-enter the dating scene. I have whole heartedly realized that W isn't coming back, and even if she did wish to reconcile, I honestly don't think I could take her back. It has just gone past the point of saving the marriage. Too much damage has been done.
one thing that is bothering me, and I would like to ask for some advice. This last week, I have really felt a change in feelings for my wife once again. This is somewhat strange to me, because I have distanced myself so far from her that I don't really think that much about her anymore. This is something new that seemingly came out of nowhere. I am also starting to wake up in the middle of the night with her on my mind. I am starting to feel hatred towards her. This isn't the old feelings of hurt being turned into anger. I literally am starting to dislike her as a person. The reason being, she chose (whether anyone here agrees or not) to leave the relationship. She left me, abandoned me. She threw me out like yesterdays garbage. At least, that is how I feel. She also took my daughter from my life, half of the time and inserted her almost immediately into another persons world with new people, places and interactions. That really makes me dislike her, deep down. I am doing a great job of controlling my feelings towards her. I never speak a bad word. I don't act out in anger. I think everyone would be surprised to know how I am truly starting to feel about her. Is this normal? Is it necessarily a bad thing?
Here is another question. W sent me a text message tonight saying that she would like to pick daughter up from school on her B-day and spend time with her until 6pm. It is my day to have daughter, and I planned on having a B-day party for her, and I would need to get her and myself ready. I don't want to keep W from sharing time with her, but is that really a request I should honor, or should I simply tell her no?
