Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

All

I have an IC and I see her tomorrow. I know that I have been going into my "pit" of refuge and that it is not helping. But I have also been a good wife, and I know not perfect, but then again nothing is perfect. I thought I was a woman that only a fool would leave, but the H doesn't see it that way.

I know that I can live without him, I just would prefer not to. I was very independent and growing in my career when I met my H. But I am older, he is older. He wants something different. He feels stale and that he should be happier than he is. He is not coming back he says so I should get use to it.

I haven't had time to GAL within the last couple of days because of work. It is the government year end and now the shutdown. I am heavily involved in both. However, I did GAL this weekend with meeting up with friends, getting back into baking and I attended church for fellowship with others (I have not done that in years).

I am very grateful for the advice I receive here and I didn't want anyone to think I am not working toward my OWN recovery of this situation, but it is hard and I backslide. It will be a long road, but I know that I can make it. Again, sometimes the "pit" calls me.

I started to feel better because I didn't look at his emails since Sunday until today. I received 5 emails within the last 2 days and I have not responded to any. However, I fear that if I don't respond, he will be MAD. The emails are related to the one thing I always asked him before he left was why he was doing this? Well his recent emails indicate that he does not want to talk about the relationship until after we sign a PSA. Your thoughts on these emails??

1st email: You must understand by now. I don't need to say it all again. After all the fights, the arguments, and even the few calm discussions over the past months and years, after everything I've said, time and time again, there's absolutely no reason for you not to understand - none of it should be a surprise - either you weren't listening to me all those times, or you've chosen to block it out. For the last time, I don't want to talk about the relationship or the reasons for the divorce. Let's get down to business, it's time for us to separate ourselves and our stuff, to come to an agreement on how to do so.


How did your discussion with the lawyer go today? What advice or recommendations did he have for us and/or the PSA? Let's work together to get this done right. Thanks.

2nd email:
Once we've worked through the PSA, agreed and signed, because of our friendship, we can talk about it all, but not until then.

3rd email:
please understand that it is not my intention to hurt your feelings or be adversarial to you in any way. Your lack of response to my last email appears to me to be intentional, and this kind of behavior points to one of the reasons why we cannot be together. My intent is not to be hurtful, but to be clear. We have to work together to get the PSA done. We have to decide what I'm going to take from the house to my apartment a week and a half from now. Once we've worked through the PSA, agreed and signed it, if you'd like me to explain to you again all the reasons why this has to happen, for the sake of you finding closure, then we can arrange a time and place to do that.

The reason I don’t want and have not wanted to rehash all the relationship history right now is because I believe the reason you DO want to discuss it is to try and force a different outcome, and that's not going to happen. I don't want to keep hurting your feelings over and over again with the same words.

I have been firm with you, because every time I’m not, I fear you interpret what I’m saying as an indication that there’s a chance we’ll reconcile. There is no chance of that, which is why I’m saying that for now, right now, we need to focus our energies on getting through this transition and getting the PSA done.

4th email:
I just took a look at some of yours edits on the list of furniture and stuff at the back of the PSA like you asked. I see that you made a few changes, but not many. I hadn't done anything to that list since 2009 - when I had intended on keeping the house. The division of the furniture and such was predicated on that. I hope you didn't interpret that list to be what I intended now. With you presumably keeping the house there's probably more furniture that should switch sides in that list. I think there are some pieces of furniture that make sense to keep with the house, other not so much. You struck out a number of things on your side of the list but didn't write them in on mine - was that your intent, for me to take the things that you struck out on your side of the list? We should probably assign notional dollar values to everything on the list - to be sure we're being as fair as practicable. Your thoughts?

5th email:
p.s., That last revision to the PSA cost me $518 with my lawyer. Neither of us can afford to keep going through our lawyers to do this - like I said - That will cost us thousands.... Let's get it the way we want it - mutually agree to it and then our lawyers can polish it up for us. Please work with me.

I am not sure how to respond. I just don't to come off as if I am ignoring him. Yesterday was a busy day and I did not get home until after 8 pm last night and went to bed. This morning I had to get up early to renew my car registration and then had to head into work. Need advice. frown