I think you are doing an amazing job. And I love Sandi's advice. It seems to me since you are still recovering from your surgery and not knowing exactly where you stand there with some complications, that you could put off a time of meeting with her due to your physcial recovery. I really think some time is warrented for you to feel better physically and your W should understand this.
Right after my D was finalized, I did not want to see or have any contact with my H. I felt ok about that because it was about my own needs. I am just now at two months out allowing myself to have some exposure to him. And I am caustiously allowing this and testing it somewhat. I understand the whole idea that you don't want to let too much time go by or too many opportunities for interaction with her to pass before you extend yourself a little, but man, you did just go through a major surgery and you need to be at the top of your game physically and mentally when you interact with her.
I'm having the same dilemma with the Christmas arrangements as you and feeling some pressure about an advanced game plan, even thought my boys are much older than your children. It is hard. The balance of what is best for the children, and what is healthy for you and not indulging the cake eating WAW spouse who just wants everything to be fine. Just know that you are not alone in this. I am not sure there is any perfect plan that will cover it all. Stay the course. You are doing really well in your work. You have the attention of great support.
