Originally Posted By: nero
Nero, I swear I could talk to you all day. I hope I get the chance to do it again.

I'm not happy about what i'm living with. i'm not sure about what i'm seeing inside. what is inside is the same old me. (good or bad - idk) never really really examined that down to the bone.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you are not really the same old you. I mean, you are thinking about things, thinking about changing things, thinking about how other people sometimes determine your mood. You are decluttering your home, got a new job. So, not the same old you at all, in my eyes. Not that there is anything at all wrong with the old you. The way I see it is, that I was forced onto this journey, so, I figure I might as well have figured out some stuff about me that needed changing anyway. And I figured out some other stuff, too, that I think really helped me.

i guess, like you, it doesn't really matter ALL THAT MUCH about how those guys got where they are- or how i did.

I mean, it matters to a point how they got here, but, we cant possibly know all of it, so.....we would just be spinning our wheels to try to figure them out, ya know?

But I do like to understand how I got here. For me. But thats just me. Not everyone needs to feel that way, right?

Honestly- the fl & nj - the ow - ancient mom- alllll of it- sounds dumb - but feel mighty like it's all really beyond my control. that's not true i do know- i just cannot figure out the "perfect" action or solution- so i do nothing and stay still. you know- like a small animal who senses danger- hope if i keep still no one will eat me. (what? waiting for that moment to run if i could see some safe haven somewhere?) not enough sleep as usual.

Doesnt sound dumb to me at all, my friend. It is, after all, your life and the people in it. I dont think there is a perfect solution or action. And sometimes doing nothing is a decision and an action. And often a good one if you are unsure.
But, for me, I no longer wanted to feel as if I had no control over my life. And so I figured out some stuff to give me some control. Wasnt perfect by any means, just the best I could do.


AND i do allow myself to be (mood) influenced too much by what and who is around me. true as can be -

I wanted to figure out my own feelings - whether they are sad or happy ones, without being influenced by what someone projected on me.

if i shove it to the back of my mind and get on with my life - as i'm supposed to ( i think) - and gal - go to work, dress up - get the heck out- etc. and it does feel good - but is it "reality" or not- or just a coping ploy here???

I think in the beginning it is a way to cope, absolutely. But at some point, and everyone's point is different, we have to invest in our life. Otherwise, we are just existing. Not really living, right?

i mean - i guess it's not my "new life" until i don't want the old life around anymore?

Absolutely ^^^^^.

it's not "the most important thing in my life". that would be this stupid dying r - sitting in the corner of the room choking on a chicken bone.

You know, Nero, the most important thing in your life.....is you. smile And you are amazing, and funny, and creative, and interesting. And have a whole lot to offer the world.

xoxo