Getting there with 180 and GALing part 3

[jp787]

I know I shouldn't have, but I had to say something I asked if she enjoyed the wedding and that I'd noticed that H had took his "friend" with him. At first she was saying Oh I hadn't noticed, but I said I'd seen a photo of him, MIL and this "friend". I said I just wished that H would just tell the truth to me and she said well he probably doesn't want to hurt me.

Hi T180

Glad to know that you know that this doesn't help

At one point I told my W that I would rather her be honest with me, even if it hurt and if it wasn't something I wanted to hear. She didn't want to hurt me with some hard truths and also lied out of anger towards me.
During one conversation I said please just be honest and trust me. She was, she said the truth and I listened. I did not react and only said thank you for sharing that with me after.
That was the first of many hard conversations that I only listened to. She is slowly beginning to trust that I will not spiral from the truth, nor react from it.

So the truth comes at a cost. First you need to be able to accept it without reacting. Second you have have a plan to handle it once you know it.

Your H may fear hurting you "more" and he may fear a reaction.

It is up to him when to share his truth and then up to you to respond in a safe manor.

Just my thoughts.