Pressuring her isn't going to work. She's going to have to really want it.
I don't think many people have the will the break off an affair without something dramatic happening, and most of the time I think they have to really sense the loss of their spouse. Until she really believes she may lose you, I think she will try to keep both of you in play.
Love Must be Tough is a really good book on self respect. You might want to check that out.
