I think I will always apologise to some extent for being a major part in destroying what we both wanted for many years. This does not mean I will plead, chase etc, I did that for the first 4 weeks of this mess & it did not get me anywhere (I hadn’t found this forum & all the support & knowledge at that stage!) My apologies now (if we occasionally speak) are more in the form of validation.
I have read a lot, most days I will spend an hour trawling around finding both inspiration & reality in equal measure. The difference now to a few weeks ago is I do not try & find direct comparisons that tell me everything will be ok. I’m at the stage where I have realized I have actually got no control over WAW & what she wants, nor can I have any influence & it would be foolhardy to try.
It is all about sorting me now, I do not have a life mission statement at the moment, starting in small chunks & the first one is to become the man that my wife fell in love with, he was happy, charming, proud of his appearance at all times & a tower of strength for her & all his friends & family. It may never bring back the relationship I wanted but it might just give me an opportunity of another one sometime in the future. The `me’ I became towards the end of my marriage would have had no chance with anybody, insular, tired, miserable & uncaring, he was an idiot, I get that now & fully understand why & how I blew it.
Back to today, WAW has been quieter than ever, still only 1 txt conversation in 4 days, but, no chasing from me, lets see how long this lasts, probably a long, long time.
Thanks again, I really appreciate your comments
Me 50 W 46 Stepson 16 Together 6yr, Married 3yr Known each other 20yr ILYBNILWY Jul 13 Found out about affair Jul 13 Left Marital home Jul 13
