UR rite about this to some extent. i'm not happy about what i'm living with. i'm not sure about what i'm seeing inside. what is inside is the same old me. (good or bad - idk) never really really examined that down to the bone. i guess, like you, it doesn't really matter ALL THAT MUCH about how those guys got where they are- or how i did. we're all here and honestly- the fl & nj - the ow - ancient mom- alllll of it- sounds dumb - but feel mighty like it's all really beyond my control. that's not true i do know- i just cannot figure out the "perfect" action or solution- so i do nothing and stay still. you know- like a small animal who senses danger- hope if i keep still no one will eat me. (what? waiting for that moment to run if i could see some safe haven somewhere?) not enough sleep as usual.
AND i do allow myself to be (mood) influenced too much by what and who is around me. true as can be -
as usual- tangled up in the db spiel. pma? so, if i shove it to the back of my mind and get on with my life - as i'm supposed to ( i think) - and gal - go to work, dress up - get the heck out- etc. and it does feel good - but is it "reality" or not- or just a coping ploy here??? i mean - i guess it's not my "new life" until i don't want the old life around anymore?
it's not "the most important thing in my life". that would be this stupid dying r - sitting in the corner of the room choking on a chicken bone.
oh well- gotta get dressed and get going. need to get to school at 7:00 to find a parking spot- and kids flood in at about 7:30 - might be nice if i know where i go and what i'm doing a bit in advance.
