Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[25yearsmlc]

This is so hard. And I cannot do this - there are no answers to why. I give up.


Well, I agree with the part where you said "there are no answers why", in the sense that it's pointless to try figuring out why. Is there really an answer that would satisfy your curiosity? I cannot imagine an answer that is painless.

Rather than repeating myself again, let's just remember that you have to make this about YOUR LIFE and living it well, with or without him. Yes, it's that simple. I said "simple", NOT EASY... but not complicated.

When you say that life is over without him, I would assume that it must have felt like a burden for him to be responsible for your life and happiness.

But surely you did not mean that literally. And you married rather late in life. Were you never ever happy before you met him? Remember who you were when he fell in love with you?

Go find that woman again. Let her resurface without the pain and FEAR I sense in you.


Thank you, but everyday I cry, everyday I hurt and there is nothing but overwhelming emotion. We are suppose to seal emotion away and not all it into our heart.

What does this mean? Why do you say you have to seal your emotion away? Who said that?

All we are telling you is that you CANNOT SHOW HIM your emotion all the time. He KNOWS how you feel.

What he does NOT know is that you can change.

See, the only way a WAS comes back to the LBS is

if & when the WAS believes that marriage to the LBS

can be better/different than before.

Your job is to SHOW him that. Not to argue or plead or cry or emote or wallow...

but to become a different woman than the woman who is chronically dissatisfied with her marriage and h.

IF, and I repeat IF, you really have been as loving to him as you can be and he's still disappointed you,

then maybe he's NOT the man for you to be married to.

I mean, if you were a wife with few or zero flaws, if you were super wonderful, then he's a fool and there's nothing you can do.

But if you have issues to work on, THEN DO YOUR WORK...and let the cards fall where they fall.


The institution of marriage is just a concept, an idea and the act of marriage itself is nothing more than an illusion, a mirage that is easily given up on.



MNS,

he THINKS he has tried. And what that has meant to YOU has been his adultery and your attempts at reconciling...and neither of you really forgiving.

Avoid making sweeping generalizations. Maybe marriage is merely a concept to him but what difference does that make to YOUR WORK? Really.

Aren't you wanting to become a woman only a fool would leave? Let's get to that part.

And the GAL and the 180s....what are they? I still don't know a 180 of yours. I just sense you spinning your wheels and getting more frustrated.

What are you DOING differently?



The left behind party has no recourse, no help.

I completely disagree with this^^. In fact, I'm proof that it's false.

MNS, I probably won't post to you b/c I sense I'm not getting anywhere. I don't seem able to reach you. I don't know if you actually read the Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy books...I can't tell.

It's NOT a threat and I'm not angry. I don't even know you.

But I have posted LENGTHY pieces to you that were time consuming and from what I can see, I honestly doubt you read them. Not one comment from you shows an insight there...like you just want to keep telling him to come home b/c you "want/need/expect/him to."

Hey, I reconciled with my h. It was not easy. It took a lot more of me than I ever knew I had in me.

I am telling you that your best chance is NOT some magical sentence to SAY or one gesture to do. The "secret" to this, is letting go and still trusting that you'll be alright b/c you are worthy of that and willing to get yourself there. (That's attractive!).

Have you gotten any perspective on this? Come on, You're not a weak little girl. You are a strong smart competent WOMAN.

You need to get a grip on yourself. Stand taller in your shoes.

Be a woman only a fool would leave. Act with dignity and strength in the face of adversity. That's a real life test. Pass it!

IN TIME, sure he will recall the good times. YES the loving memories will resurface.****IF YOU LET THEM...b/c

The more you challenge his choices, the more you force him to defend the choices. Stop that now.

Act as if you accept his choices, even if you don't.
Read those "rules" again...

You want him to discover things on his own b/c you cannot force the discoveries upon him. You can't stand behind his shoulder to tell him where the puzzle pieces go. He has to figure this out himself.

Trust me, if you could "make" some love you, one of us would have figured it out and sold the recipe.


Something so important that binds people because of a deep love and affection for the care of the one they love - I cannot have the love I desire, I cannot desire what I love. What point is there in anything. I give up - because there is nothing that my love can do to change anything.

MNS, are you talking to a professional about this?

You sound profoundly depressed and hey, we all relate.

There's nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. Been there, done that. I took ADs too. I'm not ashamed to admit it and am glad that help is available.

The "crazy' thing to do is not get help when you need it. It's alright to reach out for it. But do make the call. You don't have to feel this way forever.

We are here to say that regardless of outcome, things do get better.

You know,

The really hard thing to realize, the weird thing to accept, the concept so many find foreign,

is that in reality, all of it is up to US.

You will make the changes - when you make them.

Keep on keeping on