You can only play the cards you were dealt. Getting frustrated doesn't help. Just work on being the best person and mom you can be. The rest will sort itself out - you'll see!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
So I got into a big argument with H today. A big one but it was needed. He basically said I should move on. I guess I should take his advice. I'm tired of waiting around. He's been giving me mixed signals. He says he hasn't and that we've only been hanging out fir the kids sake. I've been confusing it with him liking me. I'd rather be clear than delusional. It still hurts though.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
I don't know what advise anyone can give me. I mean how many times and for how many years does a man need to tell his wife I don't want to be with you? His actions speak differently but I need to start listening to the words.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Tons of good advice is totally useless if you refuse to put it into affect. You have to take control of your life. He is not going to do what you want him to do. Stop wasting your life thinking he will come around. You are still doing the same thing.....and therefore, he's still doing the same thing.
DFE, you can't control him, but you can take control over yourself. You have put your life and happiness on hold for seven years. If you are wanting him (or any man) to make you happy, forget it. There are no Mr. Rights out there. There is something wrong with every single one of them. There may be someone who would appreciate you more and be a better H than he has been, but first you need to learn how to be happy in your life without depending upon a man to do it for you.
How can you expect a man to really desire to be with you...when he can treat you the way your H has...and you not believe you deserve better? He throws a couple of crumbs around every few months and you want to take it as some sign that says his actions are different from his words? A man won't treat you like a treasure if he doesn't believe you are very valuable. For seven years you have showed him that he can waltz in & out of your life/home when it's convenient for him. I don't know how old your kids are now, but what do you think it has taught them about self-respect in a R?
There's a lot to be said for a woman who is able to forgive and conduct herself with grace and poise during difficult times. You surely are a long-suffering, patient lady who doesn't want to give up believing her H still loves her. But even having those qualities, a woman needs a great deal of "spunk" to pull herself out of the lows of a MR...and set in place the boundaries to ensure dignity.
A marriage relationship is often like other relationships in life. Some people will treat you as poorly as you allow. The more you cry over them not liking you, the worse they seem to treat you. Guess who decides when it ends? You may not be able to make them treat you as well as you prefer, but neither do you invite them to use you as if you were disposable. Ever notice how we treat our finest china differently than a paper plate? We can get a paper plate anywhere, and it's not worth much to us. But that china is irreplaceable! Which are you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm with Sandy on this ^^^. Allowing yourself to be strung along is no way to grab hold of your future. Life continues its countdown and what will you do when it is over? Reflect and regret that things didn't work out? Or, celebrate finding your true happiness?
The WAS that continues to lead on the other partner is doing so for selfish reasons. One of which might be feeling sorry for the other person and hoping, wishing actually, that the other would simply move on. To say that they are doing it for the kids is BS. Maybe there is a slice of truth there but if it truly was for the kids, then why not work on the marriage?
You will eventually get to the place where you throw up your hands and truly move on. The question is how long is it going to take you to get there? When will you get tired of being tired and start living again?
Only you know the answer.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
There may be someone who would appreciate you more and be a better H than he has been, but first you need to learn how to be happy in your life without depending upon a man to do it for you.