NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[Fartiltre]

T,

I would say your doing right a lot more than your doing wrong. Your doing exactly what you have been told to do.

Thanks and I try! Somebody once told that this would be the hardest thing …… that’s a fact!

Reading your journal it comes across to me like all she is getting back from you is eye contact, low voice and“Well, isn’t that’s what we are” and very little else.

To some point you are right! I am very withdrawn and looking at her as nosey neighbor. I keep it to money and children unless she asks. She hears a lot and mentions only a little but when she does I talk – otherwise I don’t. Every time she comes at me with something I stall and tell her I will think about it. Most the times because I will do wrong if I act immediately. I need time right now. I am only six weeks into this going dim and it’s a whole new ballgame.

You still want to eventually R with W. Obviously you don't want her to eat cake but when she thinks back to all the in person interactions with you what is she seeing?
An interesting F she wants to be with or an F that can just bring himself to make eye contact and say 'no' or 'I will think about it' to everything. After show much it could be seen as punitive. It can be a fine line.

Unfortunately I am still a mess around her and unfortunately I don’t believe interesting describes me around her. I understand what you are aiming at and I will get there in time. I would simply love to be the F I am around everybody else – but I haven’t succeeded in doing that yet. I was better today but there’s a loooong road in front of me. I was proud of the eye-contact thing today – that’s the first time in several weeks I was able to that. I felt good about today.
It is a fine line and it is hard to walk. I think – in Ws opinion – I am leaning a little towards not-nice, but that’s primarily when I tell her no to something. Funny thing is that every time I do this she turns and become very nice.

It's the interactions that sound like they are not building anything positive. Don't give her a slice of cake but at least let her smell the crumbs.

But how? - I simply do not feel comfortable and relaxed around her. On the other hand I do believe that a meet-up with children would be so much easier for me to handle. No dinner, no sitting down but just playing with them.

T, thanks for the kind and not so kind words – they all mean a lot to me!

F