She walked away 7/15 saying she wanted a divorce..typical ILYBIANILWY scenario. Two separations in 4 years.. been together 15. She recently rented a house on the other side of the city with a single female friend and stopped wearing her ring. I know it may be over, but I am trying to "work the 180" in the interim.
I get some "small talk" texts through the week, almost like she is trying to get me to respond, I simply keep my answers short and positive as best I can.
Two weeks ago we began meeting on Sunday nights to discuss finances, how our week went, etc etc. I have kept those dinner meetings as POSITIVE as I can without begging, imploring or saying negative things. We have gotten emotional when saying goodbye at end of those dinners a time or two, but that is natural.
We have dealt with multiple miscarriages, depression issues with her including meds, her childhood abuse... Is it possible this woman have loved for 15 years is simply incapable of being in love?, and am I handling this the right way? Really confused right now... up days and down days. Trying to exercise and eat right, keep the house clean, etc..
Sorry you are here tbolddids. I think you are doing really wwll already. Keep your responses on the texts short and positive. It is good you are still meeting up regularly, keeping them positive as well, good. Have you started to wear some good clothing, cologne etc to those meetings? Reember also to be the first to go. Advise, start learning to validate, if you are not already doing it. Text reply can be held back for a few hours, unless a necessary reply is needed. Don't discuss what you have been up to, apart from "doing things to help improve myself".
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Yes, I try to dress up a little when we meet for dinner on Sundays. This week, as I was leaving she hugged me and asked "Can we keep having dinner on Sundays". I said yes, when possible (we both sometimes work on Sunday). Trying to leave her alone, yet be very positive and upbeat anytime we meet. I've noticed that she stopped wearing her wedding rings, I made it a point to let her see me wearing mine but no talk about it.
Just trying to practice a non-obsessive, positive outlook when I am around her, being very respectful of her "space" and offering to help if she needs help with anything (taking dogs to vet, moving a bed from our house to her rent house) without being asked.
So far, contact has been limited. Waiting for a chance to talk about "us" but not being the one to bring it up.
Its a fine line trying to be there for your spouse without being asked. She needs to see that she does need you, but I think its important that she has to ask instead of you just taking care of it maybe? I dunno maybe im wrong. But im thinking along the lines of her needing to miss you more, dinner is a good start if you can have no expectations. Keeping some mystery up during those conversations.
My W has not been wearing her rings either. I think if you want it to work you should continue to wear your ring. I can guarantee she notices that you have it on. I'm by far a expert, but thats just the way I look at it. I'm not taking mine off until its over.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
I agree about the ring. I have at times over the last few months, worn my ring on a leather strap around the neck, taken if off, and worn it on the other hand. None of these options feel good. I have come to the conclusion that I will wear my wedding ring until I am divorced.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
