chicken or egg?

[etc]

I've been pretty dim lately. I've been striving to really leaving W to herself so she can get used to her new life w/o me since this is what she says she wants. When we're around each other for kid's events, she seem eager to tell me personal stuff, but I'm pretty disengaged so we don't get too far in the conversations. I wonder if I should be trying to engage more when she initiates? Maybe I'm being too dim when this happens? I keep figuring in my head that I need to get used to not talking to W, so I don't want to invest a lot of effort at this point unless she wants to R. Perhaps this shows that my antics are not coming from a place of love, but a place of wanting to "win" and game playing. I need to work with IC on this. Maybe I have BPD and W is perfectly justified to leave this craziness.

Anyhow, I found an old post by 25yearsmlc that really hits what I'm striving for right now:

"...sometimes it's about "winning" as opposed to loving. If this is your pride, then move on. But know there is a fine but important line between self respect and false pride. Many MANY people confuse them.

"Those angry prideful LBSers say "show the WASs the consequences" or "teach the WAS a lesson" and that is pride talking about taking punitive measures...not coming from a place of love. It Never helps, it Always backfires. Shaming them fails, as it should."

I want to meditate on this and find a new level of calmness this week. This is my prayer for now.

ETC