Pregnant h wants a divorce after deployment

[T1000]

Thanks for the responses, everyone.

Here is the thing: H is an extremely insecure man. Even when he screws up, he thinks I should pursue him or else I don't care much.

When I acted nonchalant about OW and told him I was moving on, he got very upset, which is a good sign, right? Except in his head he figures, hey, if she moved on, maybe she didn't love me that much, so here is the divorce papers.

Or maybe he was just testing me?

When I started crying he kept saying, "you were acting so nonchalant, it made me think you didn't care!"

That's why sometimes I wonder if DBing could backfire with someone like him. I'm not sure.

This morning when he woke up I didn't go upstairs. I usually did, just to have coffee with him, but somehow it feels like I'm pursuing him, so I pretended I was asleep. He kept coming to our room and opening and closing drawers, lingering.

Yesterday I told him I wouldn't be home for dinner tonight because a friend asked me to have dinner at her house. This is part of my GAL (which, in all honesty, I always had a life, but kinda put it aside for him - he is very antisocial).

He was like, "who is this friend?" Me: Jennifer. Him: never heard of her. You have all these new friends. (Btw, another friend is coming over in an hour to give me a massage. He also doesn't know her and it is true, I have a whole new set of friends, and that bothers him, because he has none.

Anyway, then he says, "but who else will be having dinner with you? Her husband?" Me: yeah. He: don't you think that's weird? Me: no, they are friends and our children play together.

I don't know why he is so bothered by that.

Don't try and guess what he is thinking.
Even though acting nonchalant will make him think you didn't care deep down he knows that you do. You didn't decide to leave him, he decided to leave you.

I am or was a very insecure man. It will really hurt him thinking you don't care. Especially because he is insecure. There is a chance that he has used OW in part just to get a reaction from you.

Acting nonchalant will not make or break your sitch.
My W thought I didn't care when I did the same. They use it as an excuse for their behaviour.
It's normal to think you are just pushing them away with this but it is creating push and pull. You push him away so he try to pull you back, as soon as you start pulling he will push back.

Getting new friends shows that life can go on with H. That will effect how secure he feels. Thats why he is so bothered, he wouldn't just get friends like that and that makes him feel more insecure.
I can't say what I'm saying is correct i can just tell you what I think based on how I might have felt in the past.

It may be a hard line to straddle. Feeling secure will mean he needs obvious love from you but love from you is pursuing.