Who is this woman & what has she done with my wife

[CharlieBrown]

THX,

First, I read your sitch and I am sorry for what you are going through. Everyone here understands the panic, the frustration, the anger, etc. You will find great advice here, I know I did. And FY is one of the best. Listen to what he is saying about snooping. I heard the advice, but didn't listen to it and still snooped like crazy. What I found ended up confirming fears I had and it didn't make me feel any better, just made me more of an obsessed nutcase. Instead of focusing on what I was not giving her that her EA/Obsession was, instead of focusing on my kids, instead of taking care of myself, I was constantly trying to learn more and more about her and OM and the more I learned, the worse I got. Everyone here told me to let it go, but I had the "fire burning" and couldn't/wouldn't. Sounds like you might be there.

My sitch was very different from yours in that things hadn't deteriorated nearly as bad, W was still home, etc. But, I did confront her about it ultimately and time will tell long term if that was the right move. Short term, yes, but as T said above, these things have a way of coming roaring back.

Assume your scenario #4. You are a smart guy and if you were analyzing this empirically, what conclusion would you reach? You know the answer, doing drive-bys, peeking in bar windows, and who knows what else, is telling you what? She is going to do what she is going to do, at this point assume the worst if you need to in order to deal with it, but don't keep snooping. I know that sounds harsh, but I am saying it from a perspective of sympathy, like the others here.

BTW, when I did confront my W, it didn't go as I thought it would. I am an analytic guy who played the scenario through in my head a million times and when it came time to actually confront, all that went out the door. As Mike Tyson (the great philosopher...) once said "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Some of my W's responses made me wish I was getting punched in the mouth and I quickly lost my ability to maintain my composure and logical approach.

CB