MH, she sounds like my H - doesn't see the parallels with themselves. My H kept telling all about the marital problems his BB (as you abbreviated beer buddy on my thread) discussed with him over their beer or two (or three wink ) but couldn't see that there were issues in our marriage. Even after BD he would still discuss BB's marriage problems and laugh about the fact that BB had been having an affair for a couple of years but had repeatedly denied it to his now XW. He kept saying that BB's actions were justified because the now XW was "off her rocker" as they both so quaintly put it.

They're not capable of seeing that what they're doing is the same because in their minds it's not - they're not the ones being cheated on now are they. And after BD, my H was also really eager to discuss his "friend" and their activities together mad - as if I want to hear what he's not doing to work on his marriage despite the fact that he kept insisting that he was. Even after BD, he would still say that BB's situation and ours were completely different. In my H's mind, he didn't have an affair because he'd already given me the ILYBINILWY speech before the EA became PA. He also tells me now that all his friends don't see anything wrong with what he did and is still doing because we're separated so what he gets up to doesn't affect the M any more crazy .

This really is a crazy train that our spouses have chosen to ride, and to drag us along with them.

Both 50
S14
M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)

ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012
H moved out - 27 Jun 2013
Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013
Closing the door and changing the locks