I'm curious how you got your H to breakthrough to you as far as not running away when things get tough. My H does the exact same thing, instead of even thinking the remote possibility that he could work at something he runs! He has done this since he was 17, got angry at his parents, so he found a job in the mountains and moved out, w no regret. Just like now.
PM,
The only difference in our M came when we quit talking about our R and I was able to truly understand my part and apologize. Once I apologized, without any justification or mentioning a single thing H did, I believe it made H a lot less defensive and he was able to open up a little. So I didn't really do anything other than quit blaming him and accepting responsibility for my actions in the M. He was also in IC for a while; I know this helped him to look at his overall behavior because, like your H, that is how he had always dealt with things. He grew up in an alcoholic home (both parents) and his father was very angry and yelled a lot so H learned withdrawal. Now, I am doing my best to keep the lines of communication open. We spent some time together yesterday morning and I used the opportunity to check in with him and see how he was feeling about things and if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Before I would have just assumed everything was okay by the way they are going but we have both learned that isn't true.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
