NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[Fartiltre]

S10 is ill so I went to drop of the Ds this morning. These Mondays are hard on me. My feelings are on the outside of my body and I am not sure if I am able to hide it from the children.

After dropping the Ds off I went by Ws house to drop off the bags. Normally she is not at home but today she was. The door was open. I knocked and waited on the stairs. I didn’t enter.

When she came to the door she started out by asking if I am sick? (I know she has met up with mutual friends in the weekend and they have properly told her.)
I told her about the penicillin resistant Staphylococcus that doctors suspect I have due to the surgery. I kept it businesslike and answered her questions.

Then I asked about D6 coming here tomorrow and she agreed. I also told her about the trousers that D6 doesn’t like to wear – she have had the same experience and said she will do something about it.

I was just about to ask about the money-issue (the heating bill) or the things of mine that she have in her possession but then she asked:
“Shouldn’t we do something with the children together in nearest future?”

I hate to admit it but once again I was caught off guard so my answers weren’t that clear and I might have come out somewhat weak and indecisive.
I remember her statements quite clearly but not all of my answers. In fact I don’t believe I answered it all.
I stated 2-3 times that I will give it a thought.
I was much better at eyecontact this time.
I kept my voice low, slow and kind all the way through
I did keep my ground and she kept coming:

“We promised them that we would still be a family when we told them we wouldn’t be together anymore.”
“That’s what we promised them”
These came more than once

“We are parents - We have children together”

“I have seen them more with XW1 than with you and they enjoy themselves”
To this one I answered “I know since I see it when I have them”

“They see us ripped apart”
To this one I answered: “Well, isn’t that’s what we are”
She didn’t comment but I got her dragon eyes on this one.

“It’s been almost two months since they saw us together”
“It could be on neutral grounds if you don’t feel like coming here or having me come to your place”
“It could just be for an hour or so”

She also said something about the children hurting and thinking. I told that I think D6 is hurting but also that D4 isn’t that bad.

I guess it lasted for 8-10 min. in total.
I ended the convo by telling her that I had to return to S10.
At final she told me to think about it once again and come back to her.

I need to get back to her on this one. I guess I will just tell her, once again, that I do not believe this meeting up will do any good for the children right now.
I will wait a few days doing this and go over it in my head. I think she will come at me when I turn her request down.