Man, after an awesome weekend, I feel like I have been rudely introduced into full-time detaching and AS IF living.
On Friday, I went to a guys night chili cookoff with ping-pong and a movie, it was awesome. My shoulder is still sore for 4 hours of ping-pong. Saturday, I enjoyed S11's football game (even though they had an off day), then took a nap, and went to a gathering of friends' bonfire. Finally Sunday, joined in worship at church, then left early and spent several hours at the zoo, hit the mall, and ended up with wings/pizza at our favorite restaurant.
W would've loved the bonfire and was invited, but didn't show up. She was invited to the zoo, but was taking pictures of just her and the step-kids to push in my face (she admitted this). But I had a great time - I was able to enjoy the animals, love on my two kids, and although I missed my step-kids, I had a fantastic time.
It sort of feels like peeling off a scab before it's ready, but my path is becoming clearer without W. It stings a little still, but not the all-consuming stomach-churning crap it was before. It feels good to be done with the nauseating junk!
Now, on to bigger and better things! Every day, I realize I ate so much crap for W, and she never gave a THING; never committed, never loved, never sacrificed. Only when things got tough, she went for an EA, got drunk and made out with a guy and only didn't have a PA because friends dragged her out, ran up $25,000 in debt, and went around telling all my friends I was awful and lying about me.
Although I believe in unconditional love, I would challenge anyone to tell me what I'm waiting for? I'm seriously considering just signing the dissolution and handing it to her, but I don't want to make an emotional decision to close my marriage.
