If my comment made you feel in any way that it was all your fault I definitely didn't get it to come out right. Your H, however, does think it is all your fault right now. I know I thought it was all my H's fault and from what everyone on here says, that is what most WAS's think. They also say they rewrite the whole R and there weren't any happy times.
In time he will most likely realize it isn't all your fault and be able to see your M for what it was and his role in it.
Keep following DB and figure out what you would like to change about yourself, what your role was in the M and which parts were damaging, etc.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
LovetheHub, thank you for your inputs and advices. Yes, I'll keep following DB and trying 180. Right now, I think I made some changes but my H didn't notice it or he claimed it is already too late to change. We kindly agreed to delay the discussion of D/S for one year. But since H is more and more into that OW now, I'm not sure if one-year delay will make things better or worse... Any opinions?
Thanks,
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
Regardless of what your H says, keep DBing and changing what you need to change. I know when I was WAW and had an A I was really upset that my H suddenly decided to change and try to give me what I had been asking for for many years. I felt it was too late, I was mad that I was finally happy again and now he was becoming a better H. It wasn't too late, it took us a long time to work through our problems but we did. The biggest thing that helped was when we were each able to understand our own roles instead of focusing on each others.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
^^ Yes. If you focus on the other person, you lose yourself. What H does is not under your control. What you do is. That is how I stood two GFs. That and I am his best friend
No matter how I feel or what I want him to do, I always have to give over to what he thinks will make him happy. Then I continue with my awesome activities, see him for coffee, smile, upbeat. Calm and collected and it drove him nuts for about five months lol. He admitted he was jealous of my new friends and activties etc. That I was calm and peaceful and he felt that way around me.
Next, we take over the world!!!! Kidding, but it was hard not to want to whack him in the ankles sometimes. His path is not mine. So I really have no business being anywhere but on my own.
Don't think I am perfectly detached...a year later and I was not happy today. A million things going on, a little stressed and H is happy cozy in his apt. an hour away. But I am sitting with the anger and frustration and realize it is coming from my own fear of failure and procrastination and the fact that I have a cold
Kate and lovethehub, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. I was so depressed this weekend since H took the kids camping and left me alone at home. And I also had phone call with my MIL. Though she does not want us to divorce, she blamed all the faults on me. But after reading your posts, I am feeling better. Yes, keep focusing on myself.
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
Last night my H told me he'll be gone this weekend but refused to say where to go. I know for sure that He'll meet the OW again. I know I should more focus on myself and my kids. But acting as nothing happended is so hurtful since he lied to me again and again. What should I do?
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
How old are your kids? Go to the zoo, the mall, over to friend's, shopping, the park - who knows what?
One thing I'm really just getting my arms around now is that you have to go do stuff, even if you don't feel like it. I have gone to friends and sat there with my stomach churning - missing W.
But then I started to laugh at something here, and enjoy a little something there, and soon found myself having FUN. But if I had sat on the couch and wondered about W, I wouldn't be where I am now.
