I know timelines are arbitrary on our journeys...everyone is different. Our 1-yr separation anniv is at the beginning of Nov- I think that is the time in my head to have a R talk. I want to know 2 things-- 1)what are his interactions w OW & does he continue to hold out hope that he & her will have a future together, and 2) Has he had any thoughts about wanting to save our M.
Turtle, if you feel the need to have this convo, then I would suggest skipping straight to question 2. If he answers yes, then move onto question 1. If he says no, then you should prepare your thoughts beforehand on what you're going to tell him. I sense from your recent posts that you're close to wanting to move on, so perhaps that's the talk you are really pushing for? If so then lay it out for him, if he says he doesn't want to work on things then tell him the door is closing (or closed) and you're moving on, and if you plan on dating then tell him that too.
For those that don't think this is DB'ing, look up the "after the last resort technique" in DR. MWD says there that when you get to the point to where you're fed up and ready to move on, then lay an ultimatum on your spouse- either they give up the affair partner and start working on the M or you're finished with them. She does warn to only do this if you're willing to accept D though.
I agree with what AS says here, although I understand your need for both questions. Maybe reverse them.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
