WR, They are all just plain nuts. My advice is have your h present your lawyer w/a list of items he wants from the home and then review said list. I wasn't divorced when my xh pulled similar behavior on me. When he was demanding stuff from the residence, I asked for a list. Well, long story short, the list included a plastic Easter Egg, my set of keys to his truck and his baby pictures. I wanted to pack them up and mail them to him, but my lawyer advised me to allow one home visit and after that...kaput. Well, he came w/two deputies to collect said items and then stated he would send a list to his lawyer and that's when I advised him, not once, but twice, that if he didn't select what he wanted that day, there would be no negotiating. Bottom line...those little items were all he took. I had given him a small TV when he found his first place to live, but all of the furniture is still here and I have all of his tools except the toolbox I gave him early on in the marriage. Now, that's not to say that after the divorce and 3 years later, that he hasn't begun to ask for things from my home...but I always remind him to review his divorce decree.
Bottom line, he's going to ask for things that he knows mean something to you and the boys. If he is thinking the way that I think he's thinking...if you agree to give him stuff, he'll change his mind over and over again. It's that little angry boy inside wanting to snatch all of the good things that you enjoy. Change your tactic and insist on a list. Let's see what he comes up with. Also, please understand, you can't rationalize w/him and the agreement you made...it means nothing to him and he'll continue to bug you about things. Get agreements in writing and signatures/dates on them.
As for the way you are speaking to him, it's a 180 for you and he doesn't understand how you can change up on him. He also thinks you may have someone new in your life and yes, he's fishing. He's a paranoid individual who is a very lost and confused man/child. He wants every excuse to vilify you because he thinks you are the one that is making him feel miserable. Not!
No more exchanges w/him about material items until he provides you a list and it comes through your lawyer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
