From what you have said about his reactions, him staring at you, or lingering or asking you to do things still, I think you have really got his mind working.
It's tough, and every day will be different but I am rooting for you!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I got back from the beach with S1 and H's car was here.
He was on the couch and had a solemn look on his face. When I caught his eyes, he was teary eyed. I could tell that he wanted to say something because he kept walking around and pacing. He would stare at me and walk away while I prepared mine and S1's meals.
Because sandi's rules says not to start conversations, I kept quiet. I could tell he was waiting for me to ask what was wrong, but I didn't.
Finally, he started talking about the D. First he asked whether I would stay in town and if he could pay all my bills, would I stay in this house until baby #2 is two years old.
Of course that spiked my interest because even though I want us to stay together, I also worry about my finances.
Question is: why does he want me to stay in our house? Am I reading to much into it?
Then he asked me if I am still kicking him out after the baby is born. I told him that was totally up to him. He says he wants to stay living here for as long as possible. He didn't talk about any division of property or anything like that. By the contrary, he says he wants to sell one of his houses to make sure he can afford my bills and his for at least two years, after he moves.
After that we decided it was time for S1's nap and he wanted to put him in bed. While he was getting him ready for bed, I started picking up toys. He came down the stairs and just watched me do that for a good 10 minutes, talking small talk and just staring with sad eyes.
My question is: can Dbing backfire? Could he think I'm so indifferent that it pushes him to OW? H is a very needy person that needs reassurance all the time.
Its a common question, one I've asked. I think you handled that exchange perfectly. Your H is in a swirl of emotion right now. He's torn by responsibility, whatever feelings for OW, feelings for you, children, etc. Quite honestly, he may be suffering from being separated from OW too, reality of life setting after deployment, weird feelings from seeing you again, and so on. Mindreading from afar, but it almost sounds like he forgot how he felt about you, and maybe is a little shocked by it.
I would continue exactly as you have been - firm, clear, caring but no pursuit.
Thanks Jon. I hope that's what it is. When I started dating H I was very tough and nonchalant. I had my own business, my own friends, and never ever pursued him. He did a lot of work to get me.
In the last few years, I think those were the major changes: I became a stay at home mom and needy, insecure, and cranky. I think all those things turned him off. Maybe my indifference makes him remember of the old me? Not sure.
The day is not over yet, but i just wanted to post on things so far.
I got an answer to the previous question and decided that I will say no to doing things together sometimes.
Anyway, we went to lowes and I dropped him there so I could go to the grocery store to get a few things. Two seconds later he texts asking where I was. He had questions about the paint to paint the baby's room.
After that he starts looking at organization things for the garage. I mean, we had this house for three years and now he decides to hang hooks and build cabinets in the garage. Anyone could chime in on the psychology of it??????? If he is moving, why make the garage presentable?
He will paint the baby's room tomorrow and now wants to paint the master bedroom as well.
I've been trying to hang out in different rooms, but we ended up spending the whole day together. I made a yummy dinner.
I've also been upbeat and my old funny self.
He is watching a movie now and I may sit there for a bit.
I screwed it up. H set next to me and was busy in his PC when he started to ask me questions about the legal separation. He was filing with legal zoom.
I lost it and broke all DBing rules. It ended with both of us cussing at each other.
Our baby will be born in a few weeks. I can't believe this is in the top of his mind.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
