Learning to detach

[Whiterose]

So it's been another few days of crazy train with H.

He messaged me Thursday afternoon wanting to take the boys out Saturday afternoon after his work. I told him S18 only had plans for his bike but that I wasn't with S14 to ask him (knowing he probably wouldn't want to). He said he'd call him and he did Friday am as I'm leaving to go to work. S14 said he didn't want to go and I said it was fine either way. He got on the phone and I could hear S shutting down and then he handed me the phone saying he had to go. H was confused as to why I had the phone and I explained S was in a fragile state and if he pushed that he would push him away. He said he had tried texting, and I lost it inside, and said NO texting does not count. I explained the boys go through periods of anger and depression and that right now S14 was in a funk and that when he left he must have understood that this was probably going to happen. He nmade a comment about not needing to be lectured by me and I said bye .

Today h planned on picking up S18 but S14 stayed home. Wanted to know if he could pick up his tools. I said I needed the basic ones for repairs and wanted the ladder. The ladder pissed him off. I said it fits in the storage room and reaches the roof line and I actually need it. Back and forth between tools and furniture and I said if he wants to take stuff in the house we're splitting the tools and he needs to bring back what he took. I offered him bedroom furniture but he didn't want it got mad I was only offering what I didn't want and I said you're only asking for the best stuff. I said I'm maintaining our boys home and he made a comment that I had the house and I responded and you left. Wants the point? He then said one recliner was worth all the tools, after I told him tools were expensive and that I would not be paying him out anything, so I said take one recliner and leave all the tools. Eventually, we agreed he'd take his tools and leave the furniture. Came home from work and S14 wanted to know why his dad is trying to take everything and I told him not to worry the stuff inside was staying. He seemed relieved
Then it started allll over again.

He wants to get together to allow me to choose my tools. I

I asked why are we doing this again? I said leave me the tools I need for around the house and I'm trusting you won't screw me around we've done this conversation all day already.

He said he's not doing anything

I said. Good. Take your tools, leave me the ones I need and it's done

He responded. I still want my stero, speakers,and you can have the TVs but that he wouldn't mind one of the TVs

I said no the speakers are screwed into the walls and fit the house. We're not doing this you chose tools and promised to leave the stuff in the house. S14 asked me if we were going to lose stuff and I said that you and I had figured it out

He responded with maybe a couple of coffee tables (couple?? We have one!) and the ottoman with a leather recliner Then he said undecided you have had 6 months to deal and now it's time to move forward

I said if you need furniture go to the Sally Anne. I'm buying tools for S18 for Christmas as he's already asked me because I told him to leave H alone about the tools. Then I said it all stays in the house until the divorce is final and signed so if he wanted to wait I'm good

His response was this stuff has nothing to do with the divorce dafe You really don't understand how this goes

I responded. Sure does. You want tools I gave you your tools it was all good thee hours ago I assured the boys it was fine and now you're changing your mind again This is great for them! If we can't figure it out it goes through mediation and then everything stays here until it's done.

Him. Mediation?

Me. Everything was settled three hours ago Yes, if we can't figure it out mediation does it. We did it this afternoon and now you're changing it again

Him. If that's what you prefer

Me. I literally just told S14 the stuff in the house stays

H. You are dragging it out

Me. You are. It was settled

H. Think it's a game. It's not

Me. You're changing it now . We'll that makes you the one dragging it out

H. Nope. Told you I wanted the house dealt with you laughed.

Me. Oh this is no game. The house is being dealt with. Just nothing fast enough for you but you do not call he timeline. You are not here. You literally go to work and whatever else you want no one calls on on your time so once again (referring to my comment to that affect during the 40 min conversation last week) I don't comment on your time so please don't comment on mine. You do want what you need to to be happy but I'm watching for the boys emotional state.

H ummmm really?

M. Really Why are you messaging me again about stuff we've already figured out? Why are you not engaging S18?

H I am. We are all talking I just wanted to let you know.

Me. Good go be whit them and leave sh1t that's done as done and we can move forward

H. And really last time I was out with S18 your friend messages him the entire time to figure out you're middle name cause that was not planned

Now I'm shocked. I have NO IDEA what he's talking about.
Me. What the he77' are you talking about? Who?

H. I'm sure you don't

Me. You think what you need to but I have no idea what you're talk I g about. I didint even know anyone had messaged S18

H what is your plan? (He asked me this exact same question during our 40 min phone conversation two weels ago)

Me I'm eating dinner with S14 and according to me this has all been dealt with so we can move forward If you want to ignore S18 and redo everything you can do it on your own.

H. Ya. Not what is happening but sure

Me. Ok. We'll start again


He's crazy, crazy, crazy. Or am I?