I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

Journaling -

Wow it's been almost 3 months since my last post. For anyone who's been following my thread, the update is we are still both going dark. This has been possible because we don't have kids.

You know how vets used to tell us, newbies the time will heal and we could be well detached from our WAS after some time pass. Well I used to hate hearing that. It's really easy for them to say but I always thought it was kind of bs because we wouldn't be here if we weren't expecting our M to work or wanting our spouse to come to senses and come back. Well I don't consider myself a newbie anymore and now I totally get what they were saying. I'm at a point where I can enjoy every day life without him and can think what would be like without him. I don't wonder all the time what he's been up to. Don't get me wrong. I still do love him and wonder SOMETIMES what he's been up to but certainly NOT all the time.

I continue to GAL, accepting almost all invitations to any event, which I never ever did before. It's really amazing how people want me at many events. The most amazing part of all this is that I've gotten many invitations from H's families and friends. H's mom, aunt, cousins, grandma, step-grandparents (!) , step-MIL etc etc all want me to come visit them alone. Just few weeks back H's guy friends were having a bd party for one of the guys and I was invited to pop in since I was in a neighborhood. They are such a great friends - they don't ask me about our sitch and just wanted me to have fun with them. I would have NEVER been spontaneous like this and pop in at a bar like this EVER before BD.

One interesting turning point -

Just few weeks ago my heart almost stopped when I saw a text from H. This was the first time ever to send me a text since I don't even remember. His text read that he just transferred some money to our J account, how he's been consistent and he's going to start letting me know every time he does.

This text was particularly odd because I can see the transfer activity every time he does it. He does not have to let me know via text. Since the separation he transfers some money twice a month on his payday and he's never skipped it or been late.

I simply replied Thank you very much and that I know he's been consistent. I also said I hoped his busy work was not stressing him out too much. - That actually opened a conversation and he started telling me about how his work has been crazy, how he's still in the office right now working on a big project, how he noticed my office moved because he saw from the freeway my old office's parking lot was empty, how his friends have been doing, how our cat is doing etc. At some point he told me his lunch hour and he often goes to a market near our offices for his lunch. (Ironically my office moved to a place 2 min away from his office) I thought maybe he was waiting for me to offer to see him at lunch time - but I didn't offer. I figured he would have to make an effort to ask me if he really wanted it to happen just like he sent me this text after all these months.

We continued to text back and forth for about 2 hours - and I knew I wanted to end it before he did, so I did. I told him I was sorry for keeping him away from the big project and would let him go back to work.

I also continue going to the gym at least 3 times a week and the result is really showing in my body and my confidence. My wardrobe has greatly changed. I recently bought a pair of knee-high boots which I'd ALWAYS wanted to try but never tried. Every time I see someone who I haven't seen for few months, I get the biggest compliments on how pretty and skinnier I look. Just the other day I went back to a market alone after 6 months of absence where my H and I used to go together all the time. The cashier who used to treat us very well was still there. As soon as she saw me she remembered me and screamed "wow you look really really pretty!"