So, since I haven't backslid in ages, I just had to go and check phone records, and a certain number is still a frequent daily occurrence, with a few phone calls sprinkled in. On the plus side, it doesn't hurt so much as it is annoying. I know she's trying to figure out what she wants and all that, but what I need to figure out is how long do I want to be one of two options being weighed? Especially if the other one is allowed to be physical and I'm not (thing is, I don't know what that R is, just assuming). I know she misses things about us, and things are going as good or better than ever right now, all things considered.
I also remember last time, even though she now claims that guy was a jerk, she still maintained contact right through our trip together to try to figure out if we were going to restore our M and move, and only afterwards really broke it off for good. She told me at that time that she didn't expect me to understand, but she still had feelings for him. Of course, I do understand that, thanks to DB and MWD and others writing about the infatuation/addiction phase of a R.
She did make that cryptic reference to "not giving me false impressions" and that I had "made it clear I didn't want to talk about it." What if I said now I did want to talk about it? I don't want to initiate any talk about these things with her and push her away for sure. Quite the dilemma. I really would like to know the facts of what I'm dealing with. But, just playing it cool right now. At some point we may have to have a convo about what it is we're doing, but I still have a lot to do for me, so I can live with what it is right now for the time being. For one thing, I still have to do my end-to-end "not moving out" clean up that I've been plotting. If nothing else, it's a long overdue dejunking and organization of this place.
Speaking of homes, I'm going to speculate a bit: I think she has no intention of me ever moving into the new house. When she talked about her friend who was separated from her H for 2 yrs, she mentioned that now they're selling both houses and buying another. It's like our last house. Even when we were broke and living in the next city over, she would not for any reason move back there. I think there's too much emotion/guilt attached. I can't remember if it was TTD or NQ or both, discussing house keys, but in my sitch, she has keys to this place, but I don't have them for the new house (or the car!). At some point, I may have to discuss this inequity with her.
Oh, and speaking of cars - I finally put in for the rest of my vacation days for the year. I'm going to take a solid week just to get this dump buttoned up for the winter, and also FIND A CAR! Not sure where to find the $ for it, but.... easy financing I suppose. LOL
I really need to do some traveling to visit family and friends (haven't been back home in years) but can't afford it, as usual.
On the other hand, stopping the D to stay separated was a big step, too. And, she's coming over right now for our usual weekend activities of going to a movie and to lunch, doing some grocery shopping, and she's bringing the Iron Man 3 DVD to watch for the umpteenth time (we both love the Marvel superhero movies).
Not sure where to find the 
