Devastated

[lovethehub]

For example, she tells me she is not what I want, that I need to find what I want.

She tells you that you are not what she wants and YOU need to find what you want, or she needs to find what she wants? Can you give some other examples, maybe including the conversation?

The whole thing is absurd.

Why is it absurd? That may be how you feel about it but it doesn't seem to be the way she feels.

I looked back at the beginning of your thread but it doesn't really state specifically what the issues were (generalizations about finances, stress,etc) so I am not sure what made your W feel she needed to move on. Prior to BD did she tell you what she needed from you? Hint? Cry? Get angry? There is usually some type of communication from the WAS about what they need. However, as MWD says in her book, this usually stops long before BD. Not because they are happy but because they have given up on trying to make things better and no longer believe it is possible. Then, they try to stay as long as they can (and you think things are okay because they have quit complaining)until one day they can no longer bear how unhappy they are. Then you, the LBS, feels blindsided.

Or she says I don't really love her. I hope it is bad mind reading on my part, but I can't help but wonder if she isn't really speaking about herself.

I can't say for sure but I would have to assume she is speaking about how she felt in your M. The she is telling you that you made her feel as if you didn't love her, not about herself.