Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

I've been busy with work, school, and trying to get ready to be out of town all next week.

On Wed I picked up xh from the airport. In my car I had a t-shirt from the last family reunion I went to with him two years ago. I asked him if he wanted it and he asked why. I said I wasn't part of that family so I had no need to keep it and wanted to offer it to him instead of just throwing it out.

He was silent for a moment and then told me to keep it, saying that they were still my family. Not sure how to take that, but I guess I'll keep it for now. I can reconsider in a few months when I'm packing up to move.

Another weird thing is that while I was driving, xh put his hand on my shoulder for a moment. Before, on long car trips, we'd take turns rubbing each other's neck/shoulders. It seemed as if he did it and then realized what he'd done, so he moved his hand. I didn't say anything about it.

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he didn't get an offer with the company that is buying his current company, so in 3 weeks he'll be unemployed. So right now his new car and future apt aren't seeming so smart, but who knows if he'll actually do anything about it.

I wish I could do something, but I don't have the greatest financial situation either which is why I haven't bought new furniture, a new car and have delayed my move until June after I've graduated and hopefully have steady income. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Xh has offered to take me to the airport on Sunday and even to check on my cat while I'm gone, but can't pick me up because fl woman is still coming to visit. I'm looking forward to being out of town because I know I'll be so busy with work that I shouldn't have a moment to think about what he's doing. Also because I have a big paper due the next Monday and I haven't exactly started it yet.

I'm sad that next weekend is my last one free until january and my ss will be spending it with this woman and her kids. Especially since ss might be moving up north again by January. I haven't really had a chance to see him since before Labor Day. I was free, but xh didn't offer.

I still have some hope for us, but I have to live for me. Xh is doing much better than he was 6 months ago, but he still has a long ways to go, as do I.