Portia, it is interesting to see where it is going with his texts. He is definitely curious about your life. The car seems to be an easy subject to discuss for him. Yes, I have no doubt that he is missing you. Maybe his R with the GF is not that rosy anymore, if he is still seeing her at all. He moved to a one bedroom apartment, so I think it means she is not living there, especially with the kids.
You are doing great. The thought of losing you will definitely hit him one day, if hasn’t already.
I would follow FY suggestion to bet $100 on what kind of car you are going to get. Don’t make it too easy though. Win the money, so you could pay FY back, hehe. I have a feeling that this is not the last bet challenge from FY .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Wow, Portia. Very different from your first posts!!!
It's very cool to see you become stronger and sure of yourself. I remember you posting to me how hard it was for your to keep your mouth shut when H pi$$ed you off. We were sisters in loose lips. Look at You NOW!!
You GO Girl! :-)
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
hey hi and good for you- compusure, control & not jumping in and "going there". (some post back a way- but i totallr relate)
so- if we all resist and don't say anything nasty - or "real" or what we're thinking - like, what? forever???
i wonder if i'll explode someday from allllllll the unsaid- unspoken bs i've thought- wanted to ask- wanted to rub his nose in= wanted to scream, accuse, etc. etc. etc.
ya think??? sounds like you're doing great there and good on ya mate (me being australian).
Been so busy this week!! No break sadly but as strange as this sounds my life is beginning to feel like my life again. Nothing makes you feel more alive than negotiating for a car. Treat the salesman like he is an MLCer - I understand that you want to rip me off and keep all the profit for you - but I stood firm.
WR, our last posts came at exactly the same time, sorry I missed you!
FY, too funny. Unfortunately this experience for all it has taught me I am still more impatient than not. Better buy a shovel with a diamond tip or get one if those special dwarves' axes.
Bright, that was the first thing that struck me. I have been barred details of his life but he tells me small one bedroom apartment. Well he may not be living with her but I don't know if they are still together.
Bring on the bets!!
Heather, I do feel better. When I found out he moved without telling me I was so Angry. And then the anger melted away and I found myself in a very different place than I was. So when the texts did come, I had just as much fun posting as I did answering the texts. I won't say I don't miss him but I am not longing for him nor to hear from him (which he likely senses, see below!). But I did learn to think before I react and to answer with my head not my heart.
Nero, I do agree with you but know what? I no longer feel , with him being so far away, that I need to express my hurt. If it ever came that he wanted back in my life in any significant way, that will be the time. But right now I think it's just a waste of breath. I think it must be harder for those of you with your Hs still in your face all the time.
MM, Linda, MizJ and NLT (and everyone else reading along), MM asked if texted again. Yep. Today. Only a week since his last text.
I am not used to this! I never sent a reply to his last text. So I guess he is "pursuing me"? I wonder what is up? Conveniently used the car as a topic. Is there trouble in GF paradise? And now he thinks he can just return to me? I feel strangely removed from all this. I am still surprised by the contact and I will reply as I would for anyone, really.
Portia, Did you decide on which car you wanted? I hope you are going to make the salesman sweat a bit before signing on the dotted line. LOL!
You sound wonderful. It takes time, but you are getting back to normal after all that has transpired.
As for your SO, he's curious to know what you are doing and is inching his way back into your life just a little bit. Continue to dangle the carrot. Sounds like life isn't quite as rosy as he would like for you to believe.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
so glad you're feelin like "you" again. mighty nice isn't it. i do feel more like me lately than i have in a few years. what a long long haul it's been.
i have to keep reminding myself the several years of misery may not be such a huge payment for allllll those happy years (38!) . hard to keep my eye on the ball here. i wanna be done thanks.
And yay for you with the car negotiations. I do not know why i've never purchased one entirely on my own- just have never BEEN entirely on my own i guess - i know, wierd to say when i'm sooooooooo old-ish. oh well- one of these years my car will croak and i'll have to and i guess i will. ta da.
Quote:
Nero, I do agree with you but know what? I no longer feel , with him being so far away, that I need to express my hurt. If it ever came that he wanted back in my life in any significant way, that will be the time. But right now I think it's just a waste of breath. I think it must be harder for those of you with your Hs still in your face all the time.
i get what you're saying- i really do. I FEEL BAD for dawn and all the guys with the mlcer rite in their face - sayin it - allllllll the time. i feel same way about not talking about how you feel. no wonder it's the big ole giant RULE - DON'T SAY IT. just act as if.
i need to get to that place with this junk about my mother's care too. my sisters are killing me- this talkin about it allllll the time. the poor sister in the hot seat at this moment- i don't feel i can shut her off - i sure know how it feels to be resentful about it and stuck doing it - and everyone else is off busy 'HAVIN their life" - idk how this all plays out-
i've been doing it (not talking about it - all) - i swear. he's been waaay nicer lately- the trip to provincetown was good- the dope he can be in general! for some reason he's forgotten what a great travel companion I am and how much fun we always had kicking around lookin here & there. we sure do road trips well together. i guess somehow he got serioysl MISERABLE and since it all was my fault - he thought/thinks he only can have FUUUUNNNN with ow or other people?
honestly- he is crazy- nobody i know is as much fun as me when i'm havin fun . Or as clever as me when i'm not wigging out about something stupid. (i'm still working on that - the emotional icky part of my character) i know- pretty egocentric isn't it?? > i am amazed still he can't see that our r was the best one either of us are ever likely to know of - or participate in. even as messed up as it is now... there ain't many "me s" out there .. oh well- will he ever? who the hell knows that. he's livin in a fools paradise.
- YOU SOUND GOOD and it's very encouraging to hear this morning. i know i am geting more and more "my old self" the more he leaves me alone here. it's just self-defense i guess- you do what you have to and turn back into who you are. i find i'm able to enjoy things that i used to- a year ago nothing in the universe appealed to me - i hated everything - EVERYTHING, even things i liked, nothing at all could give me pleasure - wanted to just burn everything in my whole life - - icky icky icky way to be & feel - never never never going there agian -
sometimes i don't even think of him for day at a time- maybe at bedtime or evening when i'm lonely or come home to an empty house- i try and remember the good stuff about being alone - it's not quite good enough to be bettr than living with someone that cares about you- never will be i think- i'm v.good at compromise and living with a group-
oh well anyway huh?
nice that he's pursuing you a bit. perhaps he is beginning to realize what he's done- & what he's missing in life. one can hope. where it goes - how do any of us know?
I do actually believe whole heartedly with the db spiel in her book that(initially) if these guys feel entirely pushed and panicked about a "choice" they will choose the ow. maybe in the thros of a new addiction...
where it goes "in the end" is anyone's call. there is the un-controvertable fact that they DID CHOOSE to spend allllll those years with us and it wasn't miserable - it was nice, which is what they were doing there. if they ever regain their perspective enough to see it and do something about it- idk.
this business of brain constantly having to override heart/gut is very moldy. i'm tired of "given self "the talk" constantly. i'll be very happy when I never ever have to think again about it- workin is very very good thing rite now for me. glad to be doin it.
i'm workin hard on going about my life and IT not stopping because of him. spent long enough being miserable - i mean MISERABLE. IT STINKS, i guess i keep sayin this so i totally remember how much better i feel now- so it's improving alot - my pma - whether or not i know it all the time.
ta da- so have a wonderful day- yay about the car. it seems like one of life's little victories - successfully buying a new car . short of a house it's one of our biggest purchases in life, rite?
okay- i'm outta here-
have an excellent day- you're sounding mighty good & strong -
.