WAW served me, 2 weeks in, looking for pointers

[KdogGS]

Thanks for your feedback Another Stander.

Have you read Sandi2's 37 Rules? Read them every day until they're burned into your memory. Live those rules!

Yes I have, I implemented them 9 days ago. No contact since then via, phone text or email. I still have not been formally served either, but I don't know what that means if anything.

After you had been mooching off of them all that time I bet they were just happy to see you gone. If I were them I would have thrown a party! I hear a LOT of resentment in your posts towards your in-laws. You don't seem to understand that there are two sides to that story, and that THEY have a lot of resentment towards YOU. They expected you to support their daughter, and instead they find her moving back into their house WITH YOU IN TOW and she was working while you had no job and no plan to get out of their house.
I see what you're getting at with this, but it's a bit off base. I was the one with a 6 figure salary. I made the decision to quit that job and move here for her. I offered to pay her parents rent and utilities, they declined but then made me feel bad when bills came in. I was also the one who saved so we were even able to make the decision. I can tell you if my wife managed the money this would not have been possible. My wife also never backed me up, regardless of the topic. She always sided with her parents, even when my point had merit.

And to top it off, you knew your W was in close contact with your MIL, and you responded by what? Being increasingly cold and distant to your W. Think about all that, how do you think they should perceive you? Have you been a fantastic, loving, responsible son-in-law? Their attitude comes directly from your behavior! Don't blame them, blame yourself! I'm not trying to beat you up, just help you realize that you've got a lot of work to do on yourself just as most of us did when we came here. And the work can't start until you can really take a critical look at yourself and quit blaming others for your sitch.


I realized I made mistakes, and I admitted them to her parents and apologized. I think once they heard the word alcoholic, they were never able to look at me with respect again. While I lived at their house, I cooked dinners, I vacuumed, I cleaned up after meals, etc. I didn't just mooch. I realize I could have done more, but I cant change the past. So I'm looking for ways to improve there as well. I sent them a heartfelt thank you card and check for utilities we used while sharing their home. I tried to mail the card and check right when we moved out, but my wife didn't let me fill out the check until THE DAY SHE SERVED ME. Awful. They cashed it too. Her dad called to thank me for the check and said that they still care about me. It was really awkward.

That helps BEFORE bomb drop, but after bomb drop it is the WRONG thing to do. As you will see repeated often here, once a WAS makes up their mind then they are done and there's nothing that will change that except lots of time and space.
Doing all the nice things was before the bomb drop, for about three weeks before it I was a model husband (in my mind.) I feel like this decision was made months ago, and we just had to wait for 6 months of residency here for her to file which was, wait, you guessed it, September.

In regard to the rest of your responses, I have stopped apologizing, I have stopped contacting her. I'm working on myself. I'm still sober and go to AA weekly. I am going to church. I pray morning and night. I take great care of our dog. I have lost 8 pounds and am lifting and working out each day. I'm reading lots and trying to excel at my job (even thought I don't enjoy it.) she just can't see any of this since she is no longer here. I'm not posting on Facebook.

I am looking for specific actions to take. I am going to continue to stay sober and go to AA, that' priority number one. I am getting baptized this weekend and have found renewed faith. I am considering getting rid of my cell phone, because it's a symbol and reminder of the past. I feel so tied to it, like I cant enjoy the company of other because I have it. I would get a home phone and a prepaid cell for emergencies.

I'm open to other suggestions.