You have to decide what you want first. What are your deal breakers?
Realize the "talk" is her wanting to tell you she's (still) done.
Avoiding it when she is pushing for it will not help your cause.
ForeverYoung,
This OM thing is not a deal breaker for me. I realize that an affair goes with an MLC like jam goes on toast, and a PA might not last as long if I don't give a hot damn about it. Might even surprise her if I am somewhat indifferent. Of course that could backfire.
My sitch differs from yours since my wife moved out four months ago, and has also filed for D. If my W was still living with me there is no way I would tolerate an OM; so you and I are in great agreement there. _______
Part of my ignoring her request for the "talk" is that I would have a very tough time being upbeat and charming right now. Another part is about preserving my own sanity by keeping some space and setting some boundaries. Boundary number one is if you file for divorce, I am not your buddy anymore. Tough love.
It also works as a 180 since it makes her pursue me for a change, since I don't plan to "talk" with her until she asks yet again. I do plan to respond next time, but I'll be pretty vague about when I might be willing to have this "talk". And so the goose must chase the fox for a turn.
It may be that the "talk" she wants to have means discussing terms of the divorce agreement. I am not ready to do that. Feeling much too raw right now, and I'm meeting my lawyer for the first time next Monday.
Anyone thinks this is a good/bad strategy, I'm happy to hear about it.
Me:52 Wife:49 Married 19 years Son:16 Daughter:14 Bomb dropped with ILYBNILWY: May 2013 Wife moved out 2Jun13
