Should I confront or not?

[Accuray]

he claimed he was unloved, unhappy and lonely for so many years

I'll echo Starsky here -- have you considered his legitimate marriage complaints? He could be making the claim above as WAS script to justify his affair, or it could be true, or it could be some of both.

If it's true and he was not feeling loved, or viewed you as incapable of making him happy, then that's what you've got to focus on showing him, that you are capable of acting differently.

Unfortunately, if he's in an affair, there's not much reason for him to pay attention to your changes.

WRT confronting him, what will it accomplish? The usual result is for the WAS to get extremely angry and distance even more. Sometimes that's worth it for the LBS, however, as they can't tolerate having the WAS believe they are putting one over on them. There is some satisfaction to be had from putting things out in the open and not living with an elephant in the room.

You need to decide if that's worth it to you. If it is worth it, keep the confrontation extremely short and simple. Make no shaming statements, no "how could you do this" type stuff. Just tell him that you know, it's not okay with you, and that you're interested in repairing your marriage if and when he's ready to commit to it, then leave it at that.

Acc