yikes linda, what a trip- up - down - woo hoo is rite!!!
LOOK AT YOUR E-MAILS - I HAVE a problem with our plans- it's been a giant firestorm of crappola here.
glad you loved it all- i do really love England. If i had to have a fantasy it would be going there to live somewhere in a charming village - filled with charming quirky people (all normal please - like a sit com thanks) and live happily ever after in a land where people think it's big fun to walk, garden, knit, eat pastries made with real cream- dip everything sweet into some more real cream - and drink tea and scones, etc.
old old time values in an old time charming place. oh well- i guess that ship has sailed for our universe at present. tho- since i'm 62 and not likely to live more than another 20 r 30 years (if lucky) maybe i can find my own little niche and make it so. who says i have to dive in and become what society demands i become - a robot hooked to computers & PART OF the whole technology thing. i look at crazy sister, & H and think if this is what people are that do- i do not want it at all. total inability to deal with real people and real life in a productive way.
who knows, maybe some how a pendulum will swing back and people will ditch technology in favor of people again - sometime. (one can hope - rite??)
All i can say about your friend turning out to be in mlc is Geeeeez. what a drag for you. i do not think i could muster the non-judgementalness required to be validating.
i'd probably just say the wrong thing and end up on the street.
SHEESH- CAN YOU tell i've been blasted by psycho sister yet again day or so ago??? - and am beginning to actually fear opening my mouth here??? between good old toxic mom and this woman & her h who feel free to totally let loose with their bully/terrorist m.o. in life. i am continually "looking over my shoulder" for an attack from somewhere. it's very icky- poor poor people in war-torn countries being bombed for real. i cannot imagine the stress.
she wrote yesterday to ask me to (???) (what planet is she from???) take a Landmark seminar and she'd pay for it. she and h have attended many. it's a cult/pyramid kind of thing where they lock you in a room and you all spill your guts- can't go to the bathroom- have someone tell you to call up everyone you can't function with and ask what they think of you- and TA DA - FIXES UP YOUR PSYCHOSIS KA BAM. (I hate to tell her- it has not done one thing for her or her husband. they are bullies who feel free to let loose and blast anyone getting in their way- wow- GREAT RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS SEMINAR HUH???!!!) i sure wish i'd had presence of mind to tell her h to go meditate on it - when he was screaming his guts out and telling me i'm "horrible person & daughter" . uh hem - not very buddha-like huh???
HOW CAN this woman NOT SEE that it is she and her husband that require psychological counseling- anger management counseling- good manners - human compassion/empathy and to quit judging & screaming and normal-up a bit here.????
i am totally amazed at people's ability to exist with nary a clue as to their own behavior. seems like my life is absolutely loaded with people here who are sooooo busy judging everyone else they have not got one single shred of self-awareness - at all.
people who i thought were "normal" for past 40-50 years - who seemed to have average intelligence and no particular psychosis. see- leaving me thinking maybe it's me that is nuts. if i've been "wrong" about every single person almost in my life-
I am trying to resist the notion that i am some kind of catalyst that exudes bad vibes and elicits the sort of negativeism that is emanating from then right onto my head & surrounding me in life.
Honestly- it sounds sooooo dopey to me- it is such a gut-ache kind of thing around here- the hate & dissention - this stinking sitch & on top of it all - having to be expecting any minute to have some truly venomous jacka$$ let loose on me. i feel "under threat" - it's wacky to say out loud- but it's true. feels like "danger will robinson" (like that cadet?)
idk- having many many fantasies lately about running away again.
YOUR BRITISH FRIEND - I WOULD say yikes about her and her feelings and sitch. she sounds like she's wacky just like our h's. when you were saying for years she's been pretty happy and normal and all of a sudden- SHE'S BEEN MISERAble forever. oh man- if that aint mlc i don't know what is.
i guess - realistically- when bad things or big changes happen in life - it taxes a person's coping skills - and the weak fall apart (somewhat). that's all i can figure.
my h- i believe , rewrote his history with me to accomodate his NEEEEED (apparently) for some kind of fun adventure-mystery-sex-life that didn't have day-to-day demands, and was totally fun. (f him btw) our life & i may have been(be) tooooo much "ho hum" & "real life" for him- But it's his problem really. we all are who we are- living our lives & getting by best we can. me too -
idk if he'll ever regain his old brain- or if it was EVER there. sooooo much awful drama going on here this past year- i cannot even hardly worry about it rite now. i'm off the job. i am just goin on about my life - i just want NO DRAMA no mo.
my dopey sister kept saying she "was sick of the drama" other day- I kept agreeing- thinking she was talking about everyone else and herself- dopey me- SHE WAS MEANING ME!!! WHEN she went "off" and began screaming for ten or so min. solidly- then ran out of the house (literally) i was surprised. who me??? like, wtf? i'm sitting at kitchen table not talking til she asked my input about something- told me i was wrong and blew a gut.... no kidding. i'm not sure what exactly lit the fuse- i guess any word from me other than "yes maam" is not permissible.
i'm not sure honestly where i'll land in this matter (mlc).
as weekend comes and h is probablylicking his chops thinking of visiting ow) (and i anticipate it (rightly or wrongly) in the back of my mind- and kind of "hate" him for it all -
OH YEAH- YOUR H AND GOING TO SOME DENTAL SCHOOL IN RUSSIA THT GIVES SOMETHING FOR FREE FOR VODKA- they're 'PRACTICING' on people for cripes sake!!! i'd like to see the waiver of responsibility he signs for this. soooo- his head explodes as a result and he's , what???, going to sue a dr in stinkin Russia if anything goes wrong. what planet could he be on to indulge in this fantasy? i'm sorry for you and i hope surely that it all goes well for him. i'm sure rt is on his sholder (like the harpy she is) and he is unable to even think , much less e-mail you. sounds like she's the type to be rite there watching him and sitting on his shoulder like an evil vulture. not to mention pain- never heard of any oral surgery that didn't involve quite alot- there in your stinkin head....
geeeez -
it's quite alot to even think of just "forgive & forget" - ing isn't it? this mlc drama/trauma in our lives. so much pain- so much time - such a waste- maybe a "wasted" entire lifetime fir ne - who knows. (i'm kind of peaceful tho this a.m. in my quandry/mlc-wracked life) back to at peace with my current position of okay with not deciding or doing anything in particular but going about my life as i normally would - no matter what is going on- this is who i am- this kind of life & lifestyle. I garden, visit, paint this or that, fiddle around, like work again, like people, hate whole sitch w/mom (& know it will never be anything differnt) etc.
only thing i'd really like is a big old trip like we used to make - but i don't even think it would be as much fun or as restorative as it used to be unless it was with h and was "back to normal". that may never be possibility. i get it. that portion of my life (i guess) is gone forever.
maybe i'm not ever going to be gracious enough here. oh well- gonna go clip junk in garden and continue tidying. the visit (if you guys come) still is inspiring me to get a bit serioys around here and de-junk a bit- it's a good thing.
i'm outta here. glad your trip was good- sorry for the addl mlc crappola. even if it's "on the other side of it" who the heck wants it in your vacation. i'd have hoped for total peace & commraderie with no emotional "junk". oh well huh?
