WAW served me, 2 weeks in, looking for pointers

[KdogGS]

I'm sorry if it came across that I'm not taking that incident seriously. It was a year ago today, and I tried to move on. I thought we had, the issue resurfaced when we moved and things got bad.

In September 2012 after the event, I decided it would be best for us to move to be near family. We sold our house and vehicles, packed up our things and moved in early March. We moved in with her parents. She got a job immediately at a local store, and I did not start at my new job until late March. I had a hard time dealing with my identity as a man. I left a law enforcement job I had been at for 5 years. I switched careers and went into an unknown career in a call center. I had no friends or support network in the new city. I became addicted to playing a game on my iphone that took up most of my time of the day. My wife chose to spend her time with her mother rather than me. I became resentful of their closeness and shut down. I started to care more and more for our dog and just spend my time with her. Wife got a new, better dream job and was having a great time. I started my position and it wasn't great. I had stress at work and at home. It was killing me.
I couldn't confide in my wife because she told her mother everything I said. She told her mother things that I said about her mother in confidence. This broke my trust in talking to her candidly. Her mother positioned herself inbetween us and actively tried to monopolize my wife's time. She would sit with my wife while watching a movie, or run out to greet her in the driveway, and wake up and get her ready for work in the morning. There was no need for me so I continued to shut down.

Religion became another big issue. I told my wife multiple times before we got married that I was in a different place religiously than her. Before I started to going to AA, I questioned everything. I guess I was agnostic. Her mother is very religious and told me I was possessed. That I had a hole in my soul. Wife saw/heard none of this. Got the stories from her mother since they would talk for hours each night after I went to bed.

Wife finally said in June- "I can't do this anymore, we need to move out" We were three days away from closing on our home purchase. I had a heart to heart with her parents, apologized, let them know about my past drinking, thanked them for letting us live there. Things improved, we decided to go to a marriage workshop weekend at the church. We left feeling really good about the weekend, she said she felt good about it too. We had stopped having sex a month before and have not had sex since May. It did not start again after the workshop weekend. We continued to live with her parents while our house was renovated. Things did not improve, mother in law continued to try to meet all of her daughters needs. I feel like a plan had already been developed at that point to get her out of the situation.
We moved out of their house in August and into our own. Her parents did not help us move at all. They did not offer me help. There were private conversations the night before we moved out that I was not privied to.
Once we moved into our house, I thought things were improving. We spent our day off together picking out decorations and shopping. It went really well. She kept shying away from any kisses/hugs. I stopped trying to get her to by physical. I had no self confidence. I had no self esteem. I had been sexually rejected for over 4 months. I also at this time read a book about being loving. Up until the day she walked out, I made her favorite meals, did things she wanted to do, asked her about her day, tried to talk about feelings. I was completely blindsided when I got home from work and she served me papers. The day I got served we hung blinds and she told me what a good team we made. She also got our car fixed that had a dead battery and texted me with smiley faces while I was at work. What I didn't know was her parents were helping her move out while all this was going on.
So I get home and get served in person. She tells me she can't ever trust me again. I told her I didn't have eyes for anyone else, she says she doesn't either and starts crying. I give her the extra car keys, work pass, parents house key and try to shake her hand. She asks for a hug, after serving me. I apologize while hugging for past transgressions.

It goes a few days, we text trivial things back and forth about finances. I call her a week later and tell her I forgive her for what she did. She starts crying again. I tell her I didn't realize how much what I did hurt her until I felt this betrayal . I apologized again for what I did and asked her to try to forgive me.

We had an hour long phone call a couple days later. She spoke a lot about the September texting incident. She said she knows divorce is the right decision. She says she doesn't feel like the man she marries exists or ever existed. She feel I put on an act for our whole marriage. I asked her to hold off on having me served. She inferred that I was not signing the waiver of service form she had served me in person. The "deadline" she had set was the 18th. Knock on wood but I still haven't been formally served.

We met for coffee, I told her that I had heard everything she said on the phone, and re-iterated some of her main points to make sure she knew I was listening. I did not tell her I didn't want a divorce, but I phrased it as God is telling me to keep trying. We went out to our cars and I planned to get in and leave and she asked for a hug. We hugged and then went our separate ways.

She stopped by that evening to pick up some cash I had left out for her and to see our dog. She brought the trash can in from the curb. When I got home, I texted her thank you for bringing in the trash, that was kind of you. She said "you're welcome"

We have not had any contact since.